I woke up to the sound of birds chirping. The sun was out and so I decided to start my day. I rolled over to yn's side of the bed knowing she wasn't there. I still couldn't help but blame myself for losing yn. If I had known she was struggling with depression I could've helped her.
But I just felt weak. I slithered out bed and slumped over to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth and washed my face. I looked in the mirror and I could see me and yn having a contest on who could brush our teeth the fastest.
"Bet you can't" said yn. "Bet I can" I said. As we were brushing really fast, I just happened to be a little faster. "I win!" I exclaimed.
"Oh darn" yn playfully rolled her eyes. Then she pulled me into a kiss as we got toothpaste foam on each other's mouths.
I smiled thinking about that memory. I felt as though yn was still here brushing her teeth with me. I just shook it off and went downstairs. I made some coffee and as I reached up to grab a cup, I grabbed yn's. Her lipstick stain was there. It faded a little but not enough to not make my eyes water.
She always loved lipstick. Her favorite was the firetruck red one that was stained on the cup. It's hard for me to accept that yn's gone, but deep down I still keep holding on to the thought of her coming back.
I could feel yn's arms wrap around my neck but when I turned around, it was just the breeze of the air. After a long breakfast, I decided to randomly just clean up around the house. While moving around boxes, I found yn's favorite Led Zeppelin shirt.
I broke down right there because that was the shirt yn wore when she decided that jumping off a bridge was the best way for her to run away from the pain.
Maybe I was just too young to even experience love back then. But at least I know what to expect now. As I gathered up my strength, I decided I was done cleaning up and just went back downstairs. I was trying to hold back the pain because I didn't want to hurt anymore, even though deep down I was.
Yn was special to me and I'll never be able to replace her. Deep down I know she's not coming back, but at least I can dream.
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Bye!!!😉
