one day i began to think

apathy at it's fucking finest

how do you do that to someone..

i came to you.. shaking.. crying.. i was panicking like no other. i was a lot of stress and pain and worry and just needed someone who understood me, and from what i knew, didn't judge me for the problems that occurred in my life because i always told them the truth..

but.. instead of.. being someone who noticed that i wasn't okay at that moment, you decide to remind me that you're not going to care about me as much as you used to.

you know.. i was going through something a lot more fucking important than us breaking up. something that hurt me worse than you, because i've been FINE this whole week, putting myself back together after you were so god damn apathetic to even think about what you were doing to me. I've gotten over it. I went through the motions of it already, and I was ready to go on with whatever came next.

so i didn't need to hear that.. that.. that is attention i won't entertain. that's fucked up. that's just.. i'm human, i'm a person.. and for you to disregard that to tell me that were broken up, so even if you listen, it won't be the same. thanks.. thank you. that's what i needed to hear when i'm having a fucking panic attack on the ground..

i really came to you hoping you'd be able to give me some sense of safety as you already broke down a good portion of my life, and this than a week later the rest was coming down.

to do that.. to someone.. is just.. where are your emotions? humans have emotions and you had to try to forget about mine and yours, just so you can stand strong and make some point you THOUGHT was right? You had to disregard morals? Fucked. Up. Only people how need to degrade people do that. I've met someone like that before..

It's horrible. And i'd never do that to you, even after all the bullshit we've been through. But i guess that's the difference between us.

it just.. hurt.. it hurt a lot is all.. i understand you wanted to tell me the truth.. and i mean, i can respect that, it just wasn't the time to tell me that.. of all times, not that time. i'm not as mad as i am sad.. it hurt..

_____
if you wanted me crawling back to you in apology.. you're not doing a very good job..

and if you wanted me to move on and forget about you, you're just giving me mixed emotions.

so overall, whatever you're trying to accomplish.. it's not working. stop it. admit whatever it is you need to admit then.