i was here before. feel worthless and ashamed. feeling like i don't deserve happiness, i don't deserve another chance to have something so good.
but i don't want to feel like this, not again. i don't want to think that i can't do what's best for myself. i don't want to think that i can be pushed around and take orders again.. but i'm continuing to..
i've cried too many tears over this whole situation. i've lost too much sleep. i've lost too much time with my friends and family. i've lost a lot and i hurt so bad.. but i continue to do it all.
why am i doing this? why am i letting myself wither away? why am i just sitting here in this depression that's consumed me? why am i trying so hard for someone who won't try for me? why am i giving up everything when they won't do the same? why can't i get out of my own head? why can't i get answers?
why do i feel like i'm in love.. and they fell out.. ?
maybe i'm desperate.. maybe i'm just too emotional.. but i feel like i lost something that means the most to me and.. i don't feel like living without it. it's like walking around dead and with no purpose. nothing to live for. no one to live for.
i just want to be happy again. to have what i need.. without feeling so selfish about it.
i've been here before.. or maybe i just never left the first.
_____
i just.. wanna go home-if i still have one..
-belle <\3
YOU ARE READING
one day i began to think
General FictionAlright, so this was formally known as lazy reads. It's no longer that. I do put short stories on here occasionally. OCCASIONALLY. But recently it's been a nice little public journal that really no one reads. What I publish is supposed to be someth...
