i will.. admit.
i started out a lot sooner than others. but it never caught up with me. still has yet to. is that so bad?
i never thought it was. sometimes, i still don't.
even now, i begin to think. it becomes a lot deeper because everything racing in my head throws around my senses.
my body is then only made of particles, ones that don't matter anymore, they float above gravity and against the blankets of my bed. and my eyes will explore my surroundings, but never will they think anything around is important. to them they've gone blind with the world. blinded by thoughts, thoughts that maybe should not be thought of. is it really that bad?
no one knows. no one but me. i cried to that thought, to the fact that i could scroll through my contacts, a phone book, even my email, but i could only tell the thoughts in my head- but they don't even listen.
because thoughts have their own thoughts. they domino into great or worse and depending on that fifty-fifty chance, i just might begin to think harder.
but thinking is not that bad. it's only in your head, after all. thoughts are just statements, memories, inquiries, and predictions. but for me they're paragraphs that build castles, ones i can live in and pursue dreams i've had since my childhood.
sometimes my thoughts drive me to places i never imagine myself going. maybe it's just because i'm tired or sick or lonely, but it feels real. old times and scenarios that i've created in my head all become the now and where i step and the air that i breathe and who i see.
and i don't mind it. i don't mind drifting, or flatlining- i love to be in my own imaginary world where what i say goes. where i can relive times that brought out the life hiding inside me and finally feel so free and admirable.
in my own world, it only consists of me and what i want. it consists of what is right. of what has taught me lessons. of how to not get burned.
i'd love to live inside my own head, my only fear is that i'd get lost, or tangled in something that is bad for me.
and then i'd strive for a world that was challenging.
one that wasn't mine.
_____
i wrote this on the toilet.
hope you enjoyed! ;)
-belle<3
YOU ARE READING
one day i began to think
General FictionAlright, so this was formally known as lazy reads. It's no longer that. I do put short stories on here occasionally. OCCASIONALLY. But recently it's been a nice little public journal that really no one reads. What I publish is supposed to be someth...
