do i regret it?
i don't know.. i haven't decided yet.
i feel like i should cry, i just haven't brought myself to crack like that yet. mostly because i don't want to, otherwise it's just because i'm too busy catching up to life to let myself dwell enough sadness.
"should i feel guilty?" i asked.
"no."
i feel guilty.. and kinda stupid not gonna lie. like I should've known better. like i expected better from myself and disappointed myself so easily.
it was such a good time though. literally a memory i will never erase. i just am beginning to get out of the honeymoon stage of it, if that's what you'd call it.
i'm frightened of what comes next, frightened of how i might've let myself become, frightened of what i should do about it.
i kinda feel like a horrible person. i don't want to though.
there's really no immediate fix either, nothing really good coming from something i could impulsively do in this moment.
i hate this inner-battle with myself, it's really only destructive. tearing me down further when i know i shouldn't let it. but i have to rationalize. it's just better if i.. pull.
better now than later when i really will regret it.
YOU ARE READING
one day i began to think
General FictionAlright, so this was formally known as lazy reads. It's no longer that. I do put short stories on here occasionally. OCCASIONALLY. But recently it's been a nice little public journal that really no one reads. What I publish is supposed to be someth...
