one day i began to think

"MILF slayer"

ultimately I am just.. so so disappointed in you right now..

not that it's any of my business but.. tinder? are you fucking serious? have you gotten that low? I mean.. hope you're getting lots of action like THAT? I thought you valued sex.. evidentially not.

Just.. imagine what you parents would think seeing that? Friends from Columbus see you on there now.. isn't that just at least a little embarrassing for you? Tinder is not just some dating up, that is a hook up app for meaningless sex and you know that "MILF slayer". Ew. What the actual fuck is wrong with you.. 

That is utterly disgusting in my opinion. 

And for my friends to see that and send it to me and tell me how I could've done so much better and how well off I am now.. just makes me feel sorry for you.. I dated you and I always spoke so so highly of you and I never regretted being with you for one bit and.. I disagree that I could've done better than you. When you were with me.. you were better. Now..? I don't recognize you at all.

Have you been this person all along and I was just that blind to see it? Have you always thought of sex and my body as something that you could easily receive from an app from girls who wouldn't care about you even half as much as I do?

Did*

You see how foolish this makes you? Even if you think it's some harmless joke.. it's not. You put yourself out there like that and.. I thought you were better than that. But, I mean.. when we broke up you ran off to some girl from work and treated her 10x better than you treated me towards the end of our relationship. You did all the things to her I begged you to do with me. 

Oh.. wait. That's right..

To my surprise.. you pulled all of that our of your ass. You made all that story about A and how much better she is than me up just to make me jealous.. Seriously?? Honestly why? At least I was telling the truth about the guy who asked me out on a date at the waterpark and about Ashton.. and I wasn't trying to throw it in your face at all.. I was very much conflicted with my feelings then actually because I knew I was still in love with you or that I didn't want someone who wouldn't care to get to know me before trying to put his hands in my pants. And to make you jealous? Are we five fucking years old? You know what that did? That just made me so angry with you, no where near jealous. Not even close. I was just so enraged in how unfaithful I thought you were. How disappointed I was in you as a person.. 

Like God I know I'm not perfect either.. but I didn't go that low to some hook up app because I was that desperate. No.. I did what a self respecting person did and cried until I felt better, I vented to my trusted friends, I tried to pry myself out of the hole you left me in, and no I'm not done climbing yet.. but I've come so so far to consider myself successful right now. Enough to realize that as much as I would love to have someone to call my loving boyfriend.. I'm completely okay without one and manage just fine on my own. I'm doing this by myself..

It's just so immature.. 

and.. over here I was reminiscing over.. stupid memories and.. all this dumb shit. I was so caught up in my own stupid imagination and.. thought.. I don't know.. but how stupid I feel right now. I knew it was just going to be a phase, and this was the ultimate turn off.. 

I wish this didn't fire me up so much. I wish I could just laugh and say "look at how much of a loser and how better off I am", I wish you would just grow up already.. 

I'm over this.. I really don't need to be this bothered right now. Do with your life what you want.. and if being on tinder like that is it.. have yourself a good FUCKING time.. literally.. that's just not who you are, not who I thought anyway.. 

It doesn't matter what I think though.