one day i began to think

"suddenly fatherless"

I was only 9 years old, and my parents hid a lot from me just to shelter my childhood and it's too sad to admit that their attempts didn't exactly follow through. I remember I was in my bedroom, my door open as I was fiddling with random clutter on my wooden desk.. and I heard my mom on the phone with one of her friends. I wasn't paying attention to the conversation until she spoke of how my dad is soon going to be gone, him not being able to see me or my brother, how she doesn't know what she's going to do. After what I heard.. I assumed my parents were getting a divorce, and I cried in my bed that night thinking that I was going to be a kid that had to be shared by their parents and my entire life would be flipped upside down at such a young age. I prayed- hoping I was wrong and my mom was talking about something else.. Like his job, sometimes it required overnight hours or the weekend to finish up a project so it'd make sense, but that didn't explain why her voice was filled with sadness when she spoke.

My prayer was answered.. but, not in the way I ever expected, not in the way anyone expected really. A few months had passed since I overheard my mom on the phone, and there had been a few times where my parents pulled my older brother and I out of school to spend time with them, I wasn't sure why but frankly I didn't care. Then there were other times they would be somewhere without telling us, come back home tired and defeated, I had wondered why they didn't invite us anymore with them, but glad because I didn't want to come home looking the same way. It wasn't until one night, my parents had my brother and I sleep in their room with them. We made a little pallet of blankets on the floor for cushion and brought our pillows from our beds, I even brought my favorite stuffed animal- which was a fuzzy ladybug with rice filling on the inside. My great grandma had given it to me as a gift and I always thought it was so comfortable and cozy and calming. The next morning I woke up to Mom setting out an outfit for me, some of my nice clothes too.

"Are we going to mass?" I asked.

"No," Mom replied, "But you have to wear something nice for where we're going."

We got to our destination, it was Mom's work, the courthouse. She led me, my brother, and my dad inside, greeting her coworkers as we made our way to the 2nd floor. Each of them looked at us with sad faces, but tried to give a smile. When they saw me trailing behind Dad, it really seemed like sadness washed over them. I didn't understand why but I waved with one hand and held my ladybug stuffie as we passed them anyway. Mom let me bring it.

We all followed Mom down to the end of the hallway. Standing before us were two large doors with brown streaks and marble accents, two shiny square silver handles in the middle, and the numbers 303 in gold lettering. Mom opened the doors and inside held a grand room with brown wooden pews that split in the middle to leave an aisle, and in the front of the room had an open floor that was caged in by rails that matched the pews. On one side of the pews sat the people I'm familiar with, my grandma's and grandpa's from both sides of my family, aunts and uncles, some in-laws, a few cousins who were a little older than me. And on the other side of the aisle we're people in the pews that I didn't recognize. All of them were adults and no children were around.

I scooted into the pew and sat next to Emma, a "cousin"- we weren't actually related- but our parents have been really close friends since they were little, and I've known her since birth pretty much. She was happy to see me unlike everyone else around us. I put my ladybug down and used it as a pillow to avoid discomfort from the hard seat of the pew. Mom said we'd be here for a while so I didn't want to have a sore butt like I do when I go to mass and sit in pews just like these.

Suddenly, everyone was told to be quiet, and Dad left us to go sit in a desk that was placed on the open floor behind the rails next to another man who wore a fancy suit. Then an older man emerged from behind a bigger desk with different levers, where his was the highest. He spoke loudly and gathered everyone's attention. I didn't pay too much attention to what he said at first, but gradually I began to pick up why we were here.. Dad had done something they considered bad. But my dad is a good guy.. He's never done anything wrong.

I turned to my brother, "What did he do?"

"He used self defense.. but the other guy got hurt, and now he's trying to get Dad in trouble." I had noticed then that Mom was listening to us talk.

I then turned to her, "How is he supposed to get in trouble?"

She sighed defeatedly, "They're trying to send him away.. and we wouldn't be able to see him for a long time.. so we're trying to fight to keep him. He doesn't need to go, he didn't do anything as bad as it seems.. so it should be all okay."

I nodded, but when I looked back at my brother a tear streamed down his face. He knew more than I did and it showed. This is where I decided to pay more attention to everything. The older man in the big desk talked about serving time, years he said.. I wouldn't be able to see my dad for years.

I watched as Mom's demeanor changed, more anxious as she waited for a group of people who sat off to the side on the open floor to speak. All of which stood, and one by one began to say the same word..

"Guilty".

A few gasps arose from our side of the pews, I looked around confused and worried as they all began to cry.

"Are they taking him, Mommy?" She didn't answer. Her hand covered her mouth as she tried to hold back the sounds of her cry. She looked so upset..

Two men in black gear appeared from a door on the back wall, and headed straight towards Dad. Once they got to him they forced his hands behind his back and started to walk away with him. My family's cries grew louder as they started to say goodbye to him, even though they wouldn't let him turn around, wouldn't let him say goodbye to us.

That's where I began to cry.. I stood up and began to yell "Don't take him!" my sobs interrupted my plea, "Don't take my daddy.. please!"

My brother grabbed me by my arms and sat me back down with him. He engulfed me into a hug while I bawled. I watched as my dad walked out of the door, and disappeared from us completely..

I cried uncontrollably as I thought of how they didn't let him say goodbye to me.. to anyone.. and I had no idea how to react other than this sadness that consumed everyone. This pain.. this hurt, it was overwhelming trying to digest in that moment that.. that was the last moment I was going to see him for a long time.. and I didn't get to hug him, didn't get to tell him I loved him, didn't give him a kiss or anything..

They took him from me..

They took my dad.. 

_____

We had to write memoirs for my comp class.. and she asked for ones that were such a moment.. usually a sad one worked.. This is the sad moment I decided to go with. Because it was a defining moment.. Sadly.. one I could say is where my rollercoaster of a life started.. where it all has gone downhill since..

If the ending feels short and rushed, that's because I started crying a lot towards a good portion of the ending.  I didn't want to finish the story.. but kind of had to in order to turn my assignment in.. 

anyway. enjoy this rough draft.