i just hung out w a guy in his car for over 3 hours. all we did was talk and joke. literally there was nothing more than that.
i know he's interested in me though.. i don't really reciprocate.
what just really stunned me.. is listening to him talk.. lead me to think of.. you.
why.. fucking you.
i'm so conflicted.
i'm so upset that it's keeping me up even though i feel like i'm fighting to stay away.
i'm pissed.
not you..
not you i haven't spoken to in months.
not you who blocked me off of everything.
not you who has a girlfriend.
not you who has not thought of me in ages.
not you who runs at the sight of me on campus. not you who wants nothing to do w me.
no.. NOT YOU.
i'll drill it into my head until you don't exist in my story.
i don't know why.. but listening to him talk, i drifted far into a wide awake dream of what you were like.
it's fucking ridiculous, belle.
i guess i was.. comparing? and that's awful.. fucking awful.
i want nothing to do w this. it's not fair to me. it doesn't make any fucking sense. it's not right.
i'm just delusional because i'm so tired and am dreading how to hell i'm supposed to manage criminal justice in just mere hours. it means nothing and i know that. i just.. need sleep and it'll clear up and i'll feel better in the morning when i'm distracted w class and not have to deal w thinking, seeing, wanting, or missing anything to do w you at all..
i just.. needed to let that out.
thank you, goodnight..
-belle
YOU ARE READING
one day i began to think
General FictionAlright, so this was formally known as lazy reads. It's no longer that. I do put short stories on here occasionally. OCCASIONALLY. But recently it's been a nice little public journal that really no one reads. What I publish is supposed to be someth...
