The Main Dose Of Divid Love

Chapter 49

5 days later, December 15,

Josephine

Hero has been acting very odd lately, he's sitting on the couch now on his phone looking very concentrated while I'm at the dining table on my laptop going through emails and texting my Aunt Joc about christmas and seeing Riley and Tommy. Hero suggested we should see them, and it makes me happy with how much of a bond he's formed with them as well. It makes me happy just as much as it makes me upset, thinking about the bond Hero could of formed with a child, our own child to be specific. I can't lie, I think about the topic everyday. Actually, I overthink the topic everyday. It's not something I should be thinking about, I know it's over and done with but it just upsets me how it still even happened. I know he's sorry, I believe he's sorry but it still really gets in my head thinking about how big of a difference our lives could of been, good or bad it still would of been something great for me, then I think, it would of been terrible for him.

I tense up in my seat and take a couple breaths typing on my laptop and stiffen my shoulders. Hero walks over leaning on the table. "Babe, you alright?"

I stretch my arms out on the table, oh yeah Hero, I'm great. Just lying to you about how what happened in the past month has been taking over my mind and making me overthink every little thing possible and still wonder why I am even still with you but yeah, I'm great.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You're not.

"Hero, I'm fine. Okay? What makes you think somethings wrong?" I look up at him turning my head resting on my palm and he sticks his tongue to the side of his mouth. "I personally think something's up with you but I'm not the one saying anything." I add.

"What do you mean?" he stands up from leaning on the table.

"You've been acting really weird,"

"Jo, I haven't...I'm just trying make sure your okay right now and your turning it around on me-"

"Is there something you wanna say? Or something you wanna do? Or something you wanna ask? If so, do it. I'm all ears." I say and lean back in my chair as I'm very agitated and annoyed.

"What's Josh's phone number?" he bursts out and says as like he's been holding in for forever. "What do you mean? Why do you need his phone number?" I ask and shut my laptop. Is this what's he's been so secretive about? "I didn't wanna go through your phone without your permission so can you not be difficult and just tell me?"

"Just tell you?" I scoff.

"Why are you being so secretive about giving me his fucking number?" he says and I stand up. "I wouldn't be so 'secretive' if you would just tell me why you need my best friends number." I say walking over into the kitchen and he follows and leans against the counter with his hands on it. "You mean also your ex boyfriends number? Who you are very fucking close to?" he raises a eyebrow.

"Are you kidding me?" I say opening the cabinet and getting the wine out. "Jo, you shouldn't be drinking that-" he begins before I cut him off. "Josh has been with be through hell and back! Where the hell were you? Also, who the hell are you to say I'm being so 'secretive' about my ex boyfriends number when he has been there for me through half of the shit in my life and the hardest shit in my life when you weren't! So yeah, I'm going to be a little damn close to him." I say slamming a glass down on the counter and pouring wine into it.

"Excuse me?" he says shaking his head with a slight laugh. I just drink my wine, more like gulping it as he is about to yell. "God Jo, we are fucking past everything that happened!"

"I'm not past it!" I burst out and his mouth opens slowly and slightly as I didn't mean to say that. More like, I didn't even want to say that. "Shit." I mumble and slam my glass down then run my hands up and down my face.

"What do you mean Jo?" he says.

"Okay fine, I'm not past it! I don't think I ever have been! I tried making it seem like I was and made myself think I was over it but Hero, really. I'm not, I'm not over it a single bit and I've tried, believe me I've tried but it's the guilt that overflows me and every thought running through my head about that night and about everything that happened in those months that is ruining me. I want to get past it, I really do. But I can't, I just can't and it makes me think things I don't want to think." I say feeling as I was holding that in for forever, it seems like I have been.

"What does it make you think?"

I shake my head and lean my hands on my counter, "It makes me think why I am still even with you." I admit, I never wanted to admit that, but I did.

"What-" he says walking over me and leans slowly across the island from me. "Go ahead, do what you've done before. Kick me out, call me names, tell me to leave. I'm ready, and I'm listening-" I begin before he gently places his lips on mine and I close my eyes. It wasn't deep, it wasn't anything crazy, just a gentle kiss. I open my eyes slowly as his hands are on my chin, he pulls his hands down and he caresses my arms. A couple tears begin to fall down from my eyes, "Baby, I'm sorry. I-I don't know what I can say or do to make you feel better and not feel like this." he says and I look down and his pushes my chin up with his finger. "I don't want you overthink why you're with me, I never want you to think that but it's my fault you think that." he says and I nod.

It is his fault, I feel bad for flipping out on him just I'm so stressed out and I needed to get it off my chest, I needed too. "I'm sorry I flipped out." I admit and he kisses my forehead and places his arms around me and I nuzzle my head into his chest. "It's okay, just I don't want you to feel like this anymore. I'm sorry for everything and I know I could never make it up to you but I'm just asking, please, could you give me his phone number."

"I'm not going to ask why, more like I don't want to know why but yes, you can have it." I say getting off him and grabbing my phone and showing him Josh's number. "I didn't mean to be so secretive about it, just who knows what the worst could happen with you having his number and I didn't need to worry about that. I took it to a level it shouldn't of been and I'm sorry-" I say looking down and he pushes my hair behind my ear. "I understand, I understand everything you're saying but I promise, this is nothing bad." he kisses my forehead. "You just have to trust me." he says and walks over to the bedroom. "I need to make a call," he says and I nod and putting away the wine and going back over to my laptop.

Just have to see what christmas holds.

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Sorry for a short chapter babes,,, next chapter is going to be a very very very long one so pleaseee get ready for update on friday or saturday:) Enjoy babes, comment and vote!!

Much Love, A♡