WHAT WE HAD

81.

MASON'S POV.

She still looked gorgeous as always. While I looked completely awful. I'm sure she noticed the dark circles under my eyes and my messed up hair. I missed her so much but I didn't deserve to be forgiven. I knew that.

I've always been so jealous of the new guys that came into her life, I was scared of them maybe pushing her away from me. Then I ended up pushing her away on my own. I loved that woman so much, I could do anything she would tell me to do.

I stopped smoking completely when we broke up. I wanted to keep my promise to her even though I wasn't able to promise that I was going to stay. I wanted to stay but she needed something better, a lot better than I could offer her. I looked around my fucked up room, I don't remember when I lastly cleaned it up.

My heart is aching a lot. Veronica's room was always clean. I wanted to prove to myself that one day I could be the man that she wanted. I got up and picked the clothes up from the floor, throwing it into my closet. I picked the trash up from the ground and threw it out in my trash can.

It felt so empty without her. Without her smile. Without her laugh. Without everything that she made me feel. She made me feel so much at once. My dad taught me not to cry, that it made any man weak. Veronica taught me that it was okay to cry, that it was okay to let your feelings out, and that there was no such thing as being 'weak.'

I fucked it up and I deserve all of the pain I'm feeling at the moment. She doesn't deserve any of it, she deserves to be treated with love and love only. I couldn't give her that, that's not her fault. None of what happened was her fault, it was all mine. I love her so much.

The reason that Xavier told her was only because he was mad at me, he wanted me to hurt. He had been hanging around some bad people and now has a debt that I don't even have the money to pay for. He started going off at me and then Veronica came in, the worst timing.

I wanted to help Xavier, I really did. I would have helped him if I was able to, but I wasn't. I did warn him when he started hanging out with them, in defence he told me that 'he had it under control' which he obviously didn't. If he did we wouldn't be in the position we are in right now.

I went downstairs and saw my mother in the kitchen, she was preparing dinner as always. I didn't want to say anything because if I did, she would turn around and look at me while telling me that I looked like a mess. I already knew that so I didn't have to hear it from her too. I opened the fridge and looked for something to eat.

"Don't start eating other stuff now, the dinner is ready soon." Mom said. I rolled my eyes and closed the fridge while being empty-handed. Mom turned around and looked at me while observing my face for a few seconds as she turned around and did her thing again.

"What happened to you?" She asked. I shrugged.

"Life happened to me, mother." I told her. She didn't seem surprised by my choice of words but still decided to ask more about it.

"Veronica?"

I didn't answer.

Mom turned around while facing me as she crossed her arms.
"What happened?"

"I fucked it up, of course." I mumbled. But that wasn't true, Xavier was the one who fucked it up. If he hadn't told her I would have taken the chance myself and said it in a better way so she wouldn't be as mad as she was right now.

I want her to be mad. So maybe it was for the better.

"You boys always find your own ways of destroying other peoples happiness." She said as she shook her head in disappointment.
"You better make it up to her. This isn't how I raised you." Mom said it as if it was a reminder.

"Mom, she's not coming back. We broke up." I told her. I felt ashamed of myself while I said those words, it didn't feel weird and I didn't want to tell myself it. I haven't thrown anything of hers out. I can't make myself do it.

"Are you kidding me?" She asked with a serious dissatisfied face. My stomach twisted itself in anyway it was possible.
"No." I answered.

She sighed and shook her head at me.
"I really enjoyed having her over." She mumbled. Me too. Kayla came running down from the stairs and joined our conversation.

"It's a great day to be me! I knew it wouldn't last long." Kayla winked at me. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. I wanted to hit her for saying that, I would never do it though.

"Don't say such thing, Kayla." Mom scolded her. Kayla rolled her eyes and kissed mom's cheeks. Kayla was always out to be number one or get something that other people wasn't able to do. She was a very competitive person, that was also why we weren't as close as other siblings are.

It wasn't because I didn't like or love her, some people just aren't good enough for each other and that's just how it works. I can't do anything about that but I will still support her no matter what happens. It's weird to say that I'm a family person especially when I'm talking and thinking about my little sister in this way.

Family person equals thousands of kids with Veronica. I checked my phone and went through our messages. Throughout the two months we have been broken up, she had try texting me out of her emotions but I didn't give in that easy. I refuse to let her forgive me.

I'm soon going away and then I'll probably never see her again. Which pains my heart but it's for the better, it's for her better. I couldn't give less fucks about what's better for me and what's not. Kayla ran a hand through my hair and then ruined it afterwards.

"You look like a fucking mess, by the way." Kayla said. There it was, the comment I was trying to avoid throughout this shitty day. Just for Kayla to say it, ridiculous. It would have been a little bit better hearing if it was my mother, I was used to hearing stuff like that from her. But when it's your little sister, it just hits the realization in my body harder.

Hm, I wonder what Veronica is doing right now.

Should I text her?

Nope, don't. Just leave her alone, Mason.

I miss her. She's my soulmate and I don't want to force myself to not admit it, because she is.

I need her. I need her in my life more than anything.
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Hi! What did you think of this chapter? I hope it wasn't as sad, I tried making it a bit average because it hurts my feelings when I see that I hurt other peoples feeling lmao.

If you enjoyed it, please vote!<3

How was your day? I know I ask this every time but I'm honestly very curious and hope that you all are doing well. Even if you're not, that's totally okay. Just remember that I am here, my dms are open if you want to talk or anything like that.

I love you naughty angels so much! Take good care of yourself. Again, I love you more than Mason loves Veronica, if that's even possible<3