How to Survive South Park

Day 2

I'm woken up after a whopping 2 hours of sleep by my mother who says there are some kids outside looking for me. Oh right, the plot. Wait, why would Cartman be here? Didn't I betray him and kick his ass yesterday?

I head on down to see three drow elves in my living room.

"Greetings, commander. The elf king has requested us to deliver you a new outfit and summon you back to his kingdom at once."

'Oh cool, he made me commander this early on? I probably have Jimmy to thank for that. Did Clyde steal the stick from the elves last night? He seemed to hate the elves as much as the humans in canon and that likely hasn't changed much now.'

I take a look at the outfit Kyle sent me and it appears to be similar in design to the Woodsman set minus the cap. I then check the news only to see the same report shown in canon and then head over to Kyle's house where he's waiting for me.

Kenny texts me as I'm walking over with the elves.

ChosenOnes:

NetherBadass: you remember?

TimeChild: what part? you dying or me forgetting a retarded plot hole?

NetherBadass: Yes.

TimeChild: yeah sorry about that

NetherBadass: it's fine hopeful all the time at least you made it out

NetherBadass: *happens fuck auto correct

TimeChild: Barely. almost dying sucks

NetherBadass: you call it a near death experience, I call it a vibe check from god

I laugh a little and when one of the elves asks who I'm texting, I just tell him it's a friend from where I used to live talking about a game we played last night.

As I suspected, the stick was stolen last night and Kyle believes it was Cartman's fault which I can understand since that is totally something Cartman would do. He eventually asks me if I can go recruit the goths for the elves but I have quite a few other things to do today so I tell Kyle that I was planning on helping Jimmy get a new flute and subtly hinting at the elf king that his super best friend would be a better person to do this since he used to be a goth himself.

(A/N: Season 7 Episode 14, "Raisins")

There are plenty of little tricks I could have applied here to speed through the goth's recruitment but why bother doing those when I can skip that quest line entirely? I'm not limited by the game's choices here, it's why I was able to join the drow elves so soon and use an early episode plot to my advantage.

Stan makes the argument that he can't do it without his phone so I agree to help him get it back if he deals with the goths. We head on over to Stan's house and confront his big sister. I assumed that with my powers, she would be easily dealt with. I was wrong. No wonder the boys think she's even more terrifying than sixth graders. We get the phone in exchange for some bruises, noogies, and a black eye/broken nose combo for Stan but I'm able to heal us with dire shroud afterwards.

Stan tried summoning Sparky during the fight but the second the dog saw Shelly, he bolted which got a few snickers out of me but I kinda wish the dog didn't literally run with his tail between his legs since Shelly hits like a truck.

We then part ways but not before I give Stan an extra assignment.

"When you go and recruit the goths, give them this and tell them to show it to anyone on Cartman's team that asks for their help." I hand the slip of paper to him and he reads it.