How to Survive South Park

No Strings on Me

"Don't worry, they're fine. We'll get them back later." I assure a fuming New Kid who just walked into a fucking bloodbath scattered around the kitchen at the start of day 4.

Both teams united last night after New Kid kicked Coon and Friends' asses and Timmy revealed the new franchise plan to them. Cartman wasn't happy about this development and moved on to the endgame of his plan, just like in canon.

I had Wendy join the now united group of heroes but I personally did not as I can't let them weigh me down from my own work. Wendy will let me know if everything else that happens today goes like canon or if shit hits the fan via group chat.

Same goes for future and/or altered plans.

FutureChat:

CallGirl: so no time traveling if fatass wins?

FDB: no, that will just make shit a hundred times more complicated. If Cartman barricades himself in City Hall with a heavily-funded South Park PD, then we'll just do what he did against Mayor McDaniels and protest/riot/rally alongside the town's dumbass adults.

CallGirl: I doubt Cartman would let that plan get very far.

FDB: don't worry. Even without superpowers, if you can run fast, wear a mask to stay safe from chemicals and shit, and don't have any physical health issues (mental issues are a completely different story), you should be fine

FDB: also always have two or more escape routes ready incase you get chased. Also also have an inhaler, Maalox, and/or Riopan with you because those areas tend to be difficult to breathe in with shit like smoke, tear gas, pepper spray or who tf knows what else all over the place.

FDB: Netherborn superpowers will help out immensely but Cartman will probably get the Woodland Critters to serve as superpowered deterrent and bullets can still hurt and/or kill you if you aren't careful so it's best not to get cocky.

CallGirl: sounds like you speak from experience

FDB: I was in a nasty worldwide war shortly before I was forced into time traveling. Nearly died a few times but I learned a lot from it.

There's no need to go to the pond as I did a better job helping New Kid find his "true self" than Priest Maxi ever could. He goes straight to Freedom Pals' base as per my instructions with everyone looking for Cartman soon after.

I take a small walk around town myself and take a look at the carnage of Cartman's plans which are a carbon copy of what New Kid (the player) sees at this point of the game. Fucking Cartman; I'll be having a little chat with him later but right now, I'm just gonna keep planning my next few moves.

I was able to learn quite a bit about this timeline which should help me get a general basis of what I should expect in most other 'normal' timelines. For starters, Butters, Kenny, Timmy, and Jimmy all have their basic powers here too but only to the canon extent as I haven't interfered with that during my time here.

Some tiny facts and tidbits of info involving some of the kids here that weren't even shown in the show seem to be here too. Wendy could only dig up so much on such a short notice, but this evidence is plenty to disprove my original theory. I could still be wrong though since multiverse shenanigans so I can't come up with a concrete conclusion until I observe more timelines.

The theory I'm referring to is that Freeman purposefully made my timeline extra difficult. I found it odd that people like the demons and Lovecraft gods were so much stronger then what was portrayed on the show.

There were two possible reasons behind this with the first one being the show just didn't do a good job displaying them when compared to quote unquote "real life" and the second one being Freeman just put the timeline I farted my way into on hard mode.