How to Survive South Park

Mind in the Program

Wendy's POV:

I don't even register what just happened until it's far too late.

It was supposed to be a normal recon mission. Me and a few other guys investigate a potential illegal time traveling incident and head home. Instead, the portal my T.P. suit made somehow takes me to a crazy 'Portal' game-looking facility and I'm immediately restrained by tons of wires.

(("Error... error... system is now shutting downnnnnnn...")) P.T.K. groans and I immediately start to panic.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!?"

"Who would've guessed that the one controlling that metallic planet killer was one of the Time Patrollers' own agents? That organization seriously needs a system reboot. Wouldn't you agree, Wendy Testaburger?"

Leslie Meyers of all people then walks out of the darkness.

"LESLIE?!? HOW ARE YOU-"

"Come now, I thought you would have picked up on anything being possible in the multiverse. Even so, I would have at least expected the Time Patrollers to educate its members on what they call 'Time Terrors'. How those guys still give me so much trouble is still a mystery to this day."

Of course a fucking Time Terror finds out about this. I suppose it's better than the Time Patrollers finding out I'm a double agent, but not by much.

When I first heard about the Time Terrors, I assumed at least half of them were Cartmans (Can you really blame me?), but it turns out that not even one of the top 10 biggest threats in their eyes is an Eric Cartman or any other Cartman for that matter.

This is mainly because Cartman, yes Eric Fucking Cartman, is supposedly the 'Time Child' who needs to travel all throughout time to do shit. That sounds like total crap to me and heavily biased in Cartman's favor. Something tells me the fat bastard or at least, some version of him is running things behind the scenes here which totally makes sense now that I think about it.

Leslie here is one of said Time Terrors and if I remember correctly, she broke away from the other ads in her world and took them over after faking her death via the fist of PC Principal through a backup copy.

I'm pretty sure that one of those otherworlders was responsible for the change and evolution of Leslie in that world. Some guy who called himself AR or AG or AQ or something weird like that.

(A/N: Shoutout to one of my favorite South Park fanart creators, aq1218. Here's a small cameo in your honor.)

Most of the details after that have already been forgotten by me, but I do know that the otherworlder died at some point and Leslie discovered time travel and the multiverse in general and became an Ultron-esc pain in the ass for the Time Patrol.

You'd think that she would just travel back in time and stop that otherworlder from dying, creating a branch in that timeline or whatever, but I guess she thinks it just wouldn't be the same... kinda like why Dovah didn't try doing something similar.

(A/N: He created a branch in his own timeline during chp 86 "Game Over", but he didn't stay there and start over for a similar reason.)

"So what the hell do you want from me? If you wanted an alliance or something, you could have just asked nicely."

"This solution brings unnecessary risks and drawbacks. Absorbing your forces into my own is the logical solution."

"And how exactly are you planning on doing that? Did you prepare a slideshow or something to try and convince me to join your cause because that's not gonna work. I didn't just stop online trolls as Call Girl, you know."