How to Survive South Park

Becoming a Member

"Remember, just let me do the talking and don't panic if they offer us any drinks. We have Timmy on standby to nullify the effects if they try anything."

Kenny and I are outside a certain club that looks like it's from the 1920s featured in season 20. We are dressed up in the best tuxedos I can make and use gnome dust from Stick of Truth to shrink ourselves down. I then knock on the door and a giant (to us now at least) member berry slides the eye hatch open.

"...What's the password, member?"

"Yeah, I member. You member?"

"I member."

The door then opens with the same music in the cartoon show playing as we enter. We've been monitoring this place for a while so we know when the member berry boss shows up and he's here now so we decided to approach him with our business proposition.

The place is just how I remember it with the roaring 20s setting and costumes and shit loads of dressed up member berries. We then see the boss at one of the tables across the entrance.

"Hello there. I'm assuming you're the boss around here?"

"So what if I am? Who are yous guys? Some kind of mutant underpants gnomes?"

"No, we're human and we have a little proposition for you." I sit myself down at the booth the berry is at.

"We know about your plan involving the presidential election and my associates and I happen to have a similar goal. We've come here hoping for cooperation between us."

"And why should we believe you, Dovahkiin? Don't think we don't member what you did with the ads." Memberboss cuts the crap and gets straight to the point. So they know who I am, huh? Well, I suppose I am pretty popular nowadays.

"I took down the ads because they planned to wipe out humanity. You guys aren't and like I said, we have similar goals. There are certain things we want that you can provide us if your man becomes president. My influence online can help you tremendously with that. We can both benefit greatly from each other."

"And what exactly are yous looking for when our man gets into office?"

"Just a few old things that you would have access to and have no interest in. We're looking to go along with the whole "repurpose" trend going on in our own way and if any problems come up on either end, we can lend a hand to each other to resolve it."

Time to seal the deal.

"A mutually beneficial proposition doesn't sound too bad, does it? Especially when the other option is me exposing your plan to the online world with you having no way to stop it. If I can stab the devil himself in the face and live to tell the tale, then I'm sure I can handle a few sentient fruits. Would you agree?"

The boss then grumbles something to himself before responding.

"Alright. I guess we don't really have a choice now do we? We accept your proposition. Waiter! Round of drinks for our new associates here, member?"

"I member!"

"Oh, one more thing. Don't bother trying to brainwash us with your own kind. We have a telepath with us that can instantly wipe any form of mind control whenever we wish on standby so do yourself a favor and avoid trying anything stupid, member?"

"...I member."

(("Did I ever tell you guys about the time I almost got eaten by a Triceratops? It all started around 16 years ago when a couple of assholes decided to turn my wheelchair into an unstable time machine."))

'Not a good time, Timmy.'

(A/N: Yes, this actually happened. Season 4 Episode 11 "4th Grade")

We have a few rounds of drinks and discuss details afterwards. With this, the last two storylines of season 20 fall under our control. Why couldn't season 19 be this easy?