How to Survive South Park

You Call That Chaos?:

I head back to New Kid's place only to see him sighing while picking at his food, much like he does in canon.

"Parents being retards again, huh?" He looks at me and nods.

I never did confront those two about New Kid's past in my own world. Looking back, maybe I just didn't want them getting in my way while I did my own thing. Making them stop fighting would've brought their focus to me and I couldn't have that while doing my behind the scenes work.

Hell, I even had Timmy mind control them a few times just to get them off my back before the ads replaced them! Maybe I should have given them a chance...

I notice New Kid continuing to stare at me while I ponder this and I decide to go back to focusing on his problems, the problems that can actually be solved right now.

"They want to protect you from the truth, they're just doing an awful job at it. You don't even have to worry about the government coming after you anymore since you stopped them back in Stick of Truth, Dovahkiin!"

"...Tell me the truth."

Did New Kid just talk? I know he talked at the end of SOT, but I never expected him to talk again after that. Well, if he wants to know, I might as well tell him.

I explain his origin story as explained in canon while leaving out some inappropriate, unnecessary details involving his parents' "private activities" as those aren't really important. I tell him about his powers, family history with the government, and the medicine his parents gave him that gifted him his fart powers instead of nullifying his social media powers.

"When we're finished dealing with the kingpin, we'll confront your parents and have them tell you themselves. We'll also let them know that you dealt with the government already. That should hopefully remove that burden from them. I would rather wait though as I don't want to risk making too many unpredictable changes right now. You think you can deal with their bullshit for a few more days?"

He smiles and nods and I decide to fly him over to Casa Bonita so he can have an actual nice dinner as a reward. As for when and how I got the funds for such a treat, I simply hacked into Cartman- sorry, 'Mitch Connor's' bank account earlier today.

It really wasn't that difficult to hack into Cartman's shit. Even Stan and Kyle were able to get into Cartman's social media account during canon Stick of Truth just to troll him a little (happened during the school battle on day 2).

Coincidentally, several charity organizations dedicated to helping jewish orphans got hefty donations from a 'Mr. Connor' at around the same time his bank account was hacked. The fatass is going to be absolutely livid when he finds out and I can't wait to see the look on his face when he does.

Back to our 'Dovahkiin's only' trip, New Kid seems to love the place, but we can't stay long as he still has the U-Stor-It mission to do. I considered cheating by rewinding time a bunch with TimeFart Shift, but then I remembered that people's memories stay the same when I reverse time so I had to scrap that idea.

As funny as it would be to make the South Parkers think that they're stuck in a 20 minute time loop, I can't screw with canon too much if I want to accomplish my goals here. They can't become genuine friends with New Kid if they go batshit insane.

We visit Chiquita the Gorilla, go through Black Bart's Cave, watch the cliff divers, hang out at the arcade, and so on at a quick enough pace. We aren't speedrunning the place like Cartman did back in season 7, but we don't have a whole lot of time to spare either.