How to Survive South Park

Desperation

"You can't become mayor, Cartman." I'm currently face to face with Cartman right outside of Dr. Mephesto's lab.

It's day 4 of Fractured but Whole and Cartman decided to throw all his remaining cards on the table after the police raid. Both teams united like in canon after the raid with no civil war fighting taking place as Scrambles was crushed to death under some rubble during the Shub-Niggurath fight.

He gave me plenty to do today after he tore up Timmy's franchise plan which the kids in canon apparently never considered making backup copies of or taking a few photos in case it was damaged or taken.

That was beyond stupid on their part but we never had any intentions of making some movie franchise here. As for what happened after, Cartman sent ninjas and mutant 6th graders to kidnap a bunch of the hero's friends and family members and the victims are now going on wild goose chases to get them back.

Other kids like Clyde had groups of enemies like the Raisin Girls knocking on their doorstep. Said kid came running to my house after they gave him a not so warm welcome and begged me to save him while over a dozen girls with glares that could kill and outfits that left little to the imagination were standing several feet away.

"*sigh* Ok girls, so you're angry at Clyde because he owes you money, right?"

"That's right."

"And Clyde, you're a dumbass who decided to spend way more money than you had available to you, right?"

"It wasn't my fault, Dovah! Those evil temptresses distracted me and-"

"Answer the question, Clyde."

"...Yes to the second part. Not the dumbass part."

"Okay. Girls, since my friend here currently has no money to pay you back with, Clyde here is going to clean every speck of dirt and grime in your restaurant from tables to dishes to toilets until he pays back every single cent he owes you. Is this agreeable to you?"

"WHAT? BUT DOVAH I-"

"We agree to that, cutie."

"BUT DOV-"

"Ok, have fun Clyde." The girls drag a kicking and screaming Clyde away and I check my phone only to see most of the other heroes freaking out via text.

The entirety of South Park's police force is surrounding Tolkien's house, Craig and Tweek are trying to recover a kidnapped Stripe, other heroes like Stan, Jimmy, and Kyle are looking for one or more of their parents or friends, and Kenny and Timmy are dealing with the occasional mutant 6th grader wrecking havoc and the adults who are all continuing to act like lunatics.

'Holy hell, things went off the wall fast! Cartman's plan in canon basically revolves around the New Kid so he must really be struggling without that centerpiece in his game.'

New Kid is the main character in Fractured but Whole. Take that guy out and you have Cartman's plan going to shit. Today or Day 4 of this game was supposed to be New Kid going on a scavenger hunt to find their kidnapped parents while taking selfies with Mitch Connor supporters (Cartman forces the guy to) so Cartman gets all of New Kid's online clout.

Freedom Pals then beat him up and after a torture session of New Kid farting on him after eating some disgusting shit, he cracks and reveals that Mephesto's Lab is where he's taking and altering both cats for more drugs and 6th graders for crazy mutant bodyguards.

The heroes then head over there, everything goes to shit, New Kid has to fight a bunch of mutants with asses all over them due to Dr Mephesto's ass fetish or whatever his deal with asses is, and then they end up failing to stop Cartman before he becomes mayor so New Kid has to time travel back into the past but that part isn't important right now and would also take way too long to go over.