How to Survive South Park

PHONE DESTROYER!

Dovah's POV:

"Alright you crippled bitch, prepare to meet your maker and I don't mean Trey Parker or Matt Stone!"

I'm in Imaginationland right now where my second of three hitboxes just got destroyed in less than a minute because Timmy is apparently MLG at Phone Destroyer. Or maybe I just suck at Phone Destroyer after not playing it for like 3 years. Timmy hasn't played it ever before starting this up in Imaginationland though so maybe I just suck.

Or maybe he has thought through countless simulations of this game in his mind after reading my mind for years just to kick my ass at my own world's game. That totally sounds like something Timmy would do.

I only have Hermes Kenny in the arena while Timmy has Mysterion, Master Ninjew, and Pope Timmy who just resurrected Call Girl who just summoned Coon. I'm fucked.

Or maybe not because I just used Cock Magic to turn all his summoned cards into cocks. Suck on that, Timmy!

"This rose is for YOU!" And he just summoned Dark Angel Red. God dammit, Timmy.

"I DEMAND A REMATCH!"

"Dovah, you've had 8 rematches with Timmy already. I want a turn!"

'Fine, without being distracted by the gameplay, I can better analyze his strategy and oh, who am I kidding?'

Two minutes later, Professor Chaos and Toolshed on Timmy's side just finished beating the shit out of the Medicine Woman Sharon on Kenny's side.

"ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING?!?" I wish he was.

(("Sorry Kenny, but not even plot armor will save you from this."))

"At least you have plot armor." I grumble.

"I dunno, Dovah. Every main character has at least a little plot armor." I don't recall being a member of Team Stan, Kenny.

"Ok, I'm throwing in the towel. You got this, Dovah! 17th times the charm, right?" It was not. Neither was the 18th or 19th. I tied on the 20th though so there's that.

I was the one who made the unfortunate mistake of suggesting we try doing Phone Destroyer using Imaginationland since imagining the cards isn't an issue. We had the cards be the same level for each of us to make it fair and Timmy used my mind to display how the game worked to Kenny.

It was fun for a while. Then Timmy got serious and mowed down Kenny and I with countless cards.

We even tried doing 2v1s but still lost. We had twice the number of cards, genres, and energy as him but still fucking lost.

"Oh go fuck yourself, you handicapable bastard."

"C'mon, Dovah. We can still-"

*BOOOOM* "Timmeh!"

"NOOOOOOO!!!" "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?"

"WHAT HAPPENED?!?"

(("Hookhand Clyde happened."))

"I'M OUT! I AM OUT! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SHIT? THAT IS BULLSHIT! DON'T EVEN TELL ME THAT SHIT'S FOR REAL! I AM SO FU- AAH, DAMN IT!!!"

(("That's legit anger right there."))

"FUCK YOU, TIMMY!"

I never really got into Phone Destroyer much as I didn't want to be a part of the Canadian Devil's latest scheme in my home reality and didn't exactly have money to spare during college but I did play for a little while.

Not that it matters when Timmy makes it look like he's a veteran. Super intelligence is a bitch.

Despite the unyieling rage constantly losing to the cripple is building in me, it is pretty cool being able to do this game for real. We even imagined phones that zap the cards you send out to where you want them to go (in the area of course) like in the game.