How to Survive South Park

Christmas With the Satanists Part 2

"YOU HELD BACK AGAINST THE ADS THE WHOLE FUCKING TIME?!?" I woke up from getting life-stolen by Damien only to find myself back at Tolkiens where I found out Kenny won in the end since Damien had no way around his immortality cheats.

Damien still could have won by restraining him or something like that but Kenny was pretty close to his power and I wanted an explanation to that. That explanation ended up being this fucking bombshell.

"You had to be the one to do it, dude. You would have never been able to move on otherwise. It's like you said, that was your fight to finish."

"YOU COULD HAVE DONE MORE TO HELP THOUGH! AND WHAT ABOUT KAREN? SHE WOULD HAVE DIED IF IT WASN'T FOR ME SINCE YOU WERE ON DEATH'S DOOR WHEN LESLIE CHARGED AT HER!"

"Why do you think I said I would have been in a far worse state than you were before if that happened? It was dumb, I know. It was a spur of the moment decision and I wanted to help you and did something completely retarded in the process."

"Well, welcome to the fucking club. Hopefully, you don't stick around for too long."

"Thanks and I'm sorry, dude. I know that killing Leslie felt like you just murdered your own heart but it was the only way for you to move forward. We never should have agreed for you to go undercover. We should have killed her right off the bat and taken our chances going into the unknown while preparing to fight the ads properly."

Kenny gives a look of remorse as he goes on. I can't really hold this mistake against him. I would just be a massive hypocrite at that point.

"Is the stupidity in this town genetic or something?" Damien suddenly interrupts.

"I don't know, is your girly voice box genetic or were you just cursed when you were little?" I quip back.

"Ok, that's enough, you two. I don't want the town to be destroyed anymore than it already has." Kenny tries to mediate but we both remind him that the parts of town that were damaged during the brawl will probably be all repaired by tomorrow.

Tolkien then comes in and drops the biggest bombshell yet.

"Ok, I'll make this simple since I'm tired of you idiots trying to kill each other. Anyone who fights here starting now is getting permanently banned from all future Christmas parties here." That resolved the issue in an instant.

"Are we all good now? Good. Now would you mind doing your fart-cure thing on me so I can respawn as a human now?" Oh yeah, Kenny's still a Nazi Zombie.

The only fighting that happened during Christmas Eve after that was in Super Smash Bros Brawl. Damien's main is Meta Knight which got plenty of complaints but I ended up kicking his ass as Yoshi since I played Brawl a ton in my old world. I just had the skill advantage, suck it demon. The random tripping mechanic screwed him over a few times but I'm just gonna call that skill on my part for utilizing it well.

Plenty of spiked eggnog was snuck in and drank after Karen, Tricia, and Tolkien's parents went to bed and I learned a little too much about some of the South Parkers that night. Turns out Clyde really does only have one testicle.

Some other things I learned were that Tweek has come *this* close to killing his parents and running away to get away from the drugs and forced child labor and Kenny broke out of prison after the season 4 episode 'Fat Camp' by doing some pretty messed up shit to stock up on favors from prison guards. I refuse to elaborate on that, the 'Krazy Kenny' show in season 4 was a fucking mistake on Kenny's part.

I seriously considered helping Tweek and letting him live at my place but Tweek refused in the end because of all the things that could go wrong and too much pressure.