How to Survive South Park

Coming Full Circle

?????'s POV:

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!!!" I mutter under my breath after barely escaping through another time portal. "Why the fuck is this happening now?!"

I knew that the newly nicknamed event, 'Time Pigs' Prison Party', would serve as a rallying point for most of my clientele, which is great for a broker like me. After all, if people are gonna really start rising up against the patrol, they'll need shit like weapons, bases, intel, and so on for support.

But I also knew that the Time Patrol wouldn't take this attack lying down. They would want payback and they would make it as brutal as possible.

Better safe than sorry, right? That's why I had been working on the down low these past few weeks.

But I wasn't expecting fucking THIS!!!

My network was on fucking fire (literally in more cases then you would expect)! The majority of my safe houses had been stormed by legions of patrollers! Warehouses in far off places in spacetime that were full of contraband taken in minutes!

When the fuck did they even find them?! And don't they know how expensive building this shit is? It's not like I can just go to Imaginationland and will a super fortified base into being! Besides the obvious transporting issues, there's a limit to how tough I can make shit there.

*CRASH* *BOOM* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*

"GO! GO! GO! MOVE! MOVE! GO! GO! GO! GET ON THE GROUND! GO!"

"FUCK!!!" That's the fourth fucking time they barged into one of my safe houses within 5 minutes of entering via time portal! Are they tracking me or some shit?

None of my fucking contacts are responding. The last message I got was a 'tough luck' from the middle man who sent me the offer to join the dark angel recently.

Apparently, that Time Terror is planning on starting fucking insurrection with the patrol alongside a bunch of other terrors. They were recruiting fellow 'Time Criminals' like crazy, but as a broker, joining a group like that would limit my clientele.

It didn't matter to me that this new faction was much larger than any others and had most of the terrors on it. I would rather sell to as many people as I can. A bigger network means more deals and more money after all.

Some new groups like the 'Dark Avengers' were just edgelords feeling more confident in promoting their cringey bullshit. Others like the 'League Of Villainous Evildoers Maniacally United For Frightening Investments In Naughtiness' or 'LOVEMUFFIN' for short were downright retarded.

But all these groups had money and resources to spend and I would gladly take that off their hands.

I didn't think joining any group was worth it and refused the dark angel's offer. I believed that I could hide out if the worst happened. I was fucking wrong and despite messaging the messenger that I changed my mind, it was far too late.

"Alright! Fuck, I surrender!" They start charging up their energy weapons in response.

"WHAT THE SHIT?!? WHAT HAPPENED TO FUCKING ARRESTING PEOPLE LIKE THE POLICE YOU CLAIM TO BE???"

"Well someone decided to be an ass and demolish most of our prisons with a motherfucking sentient mechanical planet. We don't have enough space to hold everyone, so orders from the top were dead or alive. Whatever's more convenient for us."

"I HAVE INTEL THAT-"

"Don't need it. We have more than enough intel already to cripple the multiversal underworld. Sayonara, asshole."