How to Survive South Park

Ascension

Dragon Lair #49 - Ascension

"We couldn't have made one more lair before this? Make 'Ascension' lair number 50?"

(("No need to get caught up on semantics. This is probably the one and only time we're using this place anyway.")) T.K. deadpans.

"Alright, alright. So this is it then?" I confirm as I stare at the giant golden incubation pod connected to dozens upon dozens of different machines and storage tanks. Many of the former look like upgraded versions of Rob Reiner's Goo Transfer Machine while the latter contains everything from the biological to the mechanical to the magical and everything in between.

(("Yes, this is it. The codes have been cracked, the data has been analyzed, the calculations have been made, and the process is ready to begin.

From thousands upon thousands of different biomass samples from both sides fighting in the multiversal insurrection we've started to the most advanced technology and most powerful MacGuffins featured on the show to pretty much every ability featured in both canon and cut content; practically every drop of potential this reality has to offer will be used to 'complete' you for lack of a better word.

The Time Terrors and Exalted Agents will be nothing more than ants to squash. Natural disasters like the Calamity Comet should feel like a slight breeze to you when this is done. You're gonna make Infinity Stones from Marvel look like painted pebbles and Time Lords from Doctor Who look like Time Peasants once you emerge from this pod.")) My artificial partner explains.

"Give me a quick rundown one more time. You said earlier that this upgrade would focus on stability and greater power capacity?"

(("This is far more than just a measly upgrade, Dovah. The facility we're in right now is our magnum opus; it will be what enacts and handles our ascension as the project name implies.

Just like back at R'lyeh when you absorbed your first Cthulhu and shedded your human or 'mortal' body to truly harness the powers of a god, you will be doing something similar here; only this will be happening over and over and over again. This process will truly be an ascension like I previously implied."))

"And a rebirth as the fancy incubation pod implies. But back to the main point, I'd rather not pull the cliche hero move of becoming more powerful than ever for a brief moment only to die right after in the big finale via heroic sacrifice."

(("And yet you did that when fighting Butters.")) We both know what my mentality was back then. I was fated to keep living so that's what I'll do. Now the procedure. Stability.

(("That's correct. Being able to survive any type of harsh environment in all types of planets and other celestial objects isn't an issue anymore. In fact, extinction on the sub-cellular scale will be necessary to kill you at the moment and that's before your immortality kicks in. It's your own energy that's the main problem now.

With the power to synthesize literally any type of material and elements at will to form out of nowhere and both the Mother Clone Blob's and Gizmo Ike's abilities to endlessly generate more mass and energy alongside our adapting properties, you have literally become evolution incarnate.

Even Shin Godzilla's evolutionary properties pale in comparison to you now. Your growth is to the point where we will be able to generate and contain a small universe inside yourself that will grow and evolve as we do.

Our research and experiments on the properties of other dimensions as well as the Digital Domain we absorbed will help control and improve this by using our matter, technology, and magic in tandem, but such a thing will completely destabilize along with us if we speedrun the growth process. The-"))