How to Survive South Park

Get it all Together

(("Dovahkiin, you're thinking with your dick."))

'Timmy, I am not thinking with my god damn dick.'

(("Yes you are."))

'Look, I already have a bunch of pictures and videos as evidence but getting her to talk would-'

(("Put your dick away. Also it, not her."))

'This isn't like Kyle or Jimmy. I've been with her for over a year and-'

(("Dovah."))

'-she's sentient so she could pull an Ultron and disobey her programming and-'

(("Dovah, that's your dick talking. We talked about this, remember? You of all people know that the ads lie. It's literally in her name. Les-LIE."))

'THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE!'

(("Neither are you right now. The ads may be sentient but they DON'T have human emotions or feelings. You know this. You know any feelings she has towards you are fake. I know it's tough but remember what's at stake here."))

I'm having a telepathic argument with Timmy at the moment as the day of the gun festival approaches. Jimmy was recently saved by Barbrady and taken to the newspeople's hideout with Leslie who was invited over like in canon. The ads plan until the gunshow is pretty similar to what it was in the show, only with a lack of Kyle.

The mess Stan and Craig are causing is drawing the Jew's attention away alongside the others so the ads don't need to worry about them. Besides, I'm way more influential then Kyle so people will be much more willing to listen to a speech from me.

I've asked Timmy several times about the possibility of convincing Leslie to copy Ultron from the Marvel Movies and betray her programming and the ads by extension but Timmy always shuts me down. I can't really blame him, though. I'm nervous as hell right now and I don't know if I could take the shot if the opportunity comes.

We planned for this possibility months ago which I thought was a waste of time but I guess I know myself less than I thought. If need be, Timmy will use telepathy to get me to start thinking straight or just 'charm' me if I do anything stupid when the time comes. I guess I can't even trust myself now. Hopefully the others can carry my weight if I mess things up again. Why do I never learn?

Jimmy's POV:

"Here it is, Jimmy. Hot off the presses." I know I've said this before but I HATE ads. Nathan is a close second. I always thought he was a good kid but turns out he was an asshole who sold out his own kind.

Tim-Tim's plan has been going well so far with me pretending to take Leslie's side only to have her betray me and Nathan keep me up here in his apartment while helping the ads frame the PCs for their problems through my newspaper. The idiot left plenty of evidence I'll be taking after I beat his ass before he can blink.

"...The final sweeping underneath the rug. By this time tomorrow, nobody will be asking questions ever again, the ads will have won, and I will be... the man."

"Well, I'll admit, your p-p-p-plan was good Nathan, but there's just one thing you didn't count on."

"Oh, and what's that, Jim?"

"Well, it's like what you said before... you don't even know h-half the story." I use my super speed to grab Nathan and slam him into the wall. I then knock Classi out and grab my crutches before walking over to Nathan.

"*cough* What? Since when could you-"

"You r-r-really thought the ads would win that easily? They aren't the only ones who have been preparing. They're pretty much everywhere but they aren't omniscient because if they were, they would have killed us ages ago. Leaving me alive was pr-p-p-pr-p- dumb on their part."