Flashback - The Day Before the War Began:
Cartman sighs as he leans on one of the storage lockers at U-Stor-It and stares at Butters as the blond prepares his troops. There aren't many right now but if everything goes to plan, they'll all be leading their own squadrons soon enough.
"I know you're there, Kyle. I hope you didn't accept my offer just to try and stop me."
"It's not that, I'm angry too. I just don't understand, Cartman. Why now? Why work with Dovah after all you've done to oppose him over the years?" Kyle asks.
"Who knows? Maybe I decided to take Stan's words to heart. Maybe I wanted to see Dovah utilized to his greatest potential. Maybe I just wanted to see the world burn. I won't give you an answer I'm not sure about, that would only piss both of us off."
"...Cartman, I-"
"Save it, Kyle. Dovah's right about this. I don't want any more friends to die and he feels the same way. We're ending this all together. The reason I came to you and not Wendy is because despite her being more like me, I figured you would better understand where I'm coming from so I'll ask you again, are you in?"
"Can't Dovah tell you with that future-telling device of his?"
"I already asked him about it. The future has been changed so much, it's become practically useless. We're in new territory now. This is risky as hell but that's nothing new for us, right?"
Kyle sighs before nodding.
"Let's just get this over with."
Present:
With Kyle and Cartman joining Butters and Dovah in this endeavor, Nahkriin and every major force affected by it soon end up waging war all over the world with the White House being just one of the many battlegrounds around the globe.
Over a third of the building has become rubble at this point and a chunk of Washington DC is burning to the ground with thousands of soldiers shooting their weapons into the sky and just as many elves firing down atop their reindeer and sleighs with their magical bows and arrows.
"BUCKLE UP BUCKAROOOOOS!!!" Vice President Caitlyn Jenners' horrendous driving skills actually come in use here as dozens of elves and several reindeer on the ground have already been run over and killed by the limousine she stole a few minutes ago.
*BOOOOOOM* *BOOM* *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *BOOOOOOM* *BOOOM*
Hundreds of elves approach the building with swords in their hands but they are intercepted by dozens of newly assigned pseudo-netherborns that fly out of the collapsing mansion.
They are soon followed by a beat-up President Garrison who's got a backpack full of molotov cocktails ready to go.
"CHRISTMAS ISN'T UNTIL THE END OF THE MONTH, YOU FAT TESTICLE TICKLER!" Garrison screams as he lights one of the cocktails up and chucks it into the sky.
It splashes onto a reindeer that has several elves riding it and they all burst into flames before slamming into part of the president's home behind him, setting it ablaze.
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"
*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*
"YEEAAAHHH!!!" The old fourth grade teacher in South Park cheers before lighting up and hurling another cocktail at some more elves.
*BANG* *BANG* *BOOOOOOM* *BOOM* *BOOM* *BANG* *BANG* *BOOM* *BANG* *BOOOOOOM* *BOOOM* *BANG* *BANG* *BOOOOOOM* *BANG*
Dozens of evil snowmen then show up to support the elves with them resembling the evil snowman shown in 'South Park: The Spirit of Christmas' or 'South Park Jesus vs Frosty' as it's also known as.
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How to Survive South Park
FanfictionA top tier South Park: Stick of Truth speedrunner gets sent into that very game, and by extension, the world of their favorite TV show by god (aka Morgan Freeman) for shits and giggles. Finding himself now in the body of the game's protagonist, New...
