How to Survive South Park

All's Not Well That Ends Not Well

Elder God Dovah's POV:

"So... did you know that Stan is Scottish?"

(("Really, Dovah?"))

"Yup; it's confirmed in a quote from the early South Park game, 'Chef's Love Shack'. Stan has descended from the Marsh clan who ruled the Scottish Highlands with an iron fist, brutalizing all who dare challenge their bloodthirsty reign of terror. That's the exact quote from the game by the way.

I mean, you could argue that the game technically isn't canon in the main series so that family backstory isn't canon either, but that fun fact is said by the announcer when Stan is introduced; it isn't a part of the Family Feud knockoff game Chef is hosting in that game so I consider it to be canon."

(("Not that. What I meant was are you really asking me that question? I'm literally in your head and know everything that you know, Dovah."))

"Oh, right... Jesus fuck, how big is this thing? We devoured Cthulhu's entire castle in a minute yet it feels like it's been days since I came here. I'm so fucking bored!"

(("Correction: It has been 16 minutes and 42 seconds.")) Thank you T.K.

(("Godly Tr-")) Yeah, no. I'm not calling you that. Ugh, this reminds me of being locked up in that fucking cell again. I may have been unconscious for a good chunk of it thanks to those sedatives being pumped into me, but it was still driving me insane before I met up with New Kid in my subconscious.

(("It did more than you realize."))

"...Okay, you know I'm going to ask for some context there."

(("Besides the decline in sanity starting at the middle of month 2 and you constantly checking if I was still here and real at the start of month 3, there were several occurrences of nightmares and hallucinations which you requested I completely delete from your memory."))

"Shit, seriously? How bad were they?"

(("Smiling Cherub levels of bad."))

Kcabhsalf - S'havod :VOP

"Day one hundred and something of this hellhole with my co-star who takes intimate to a whole new level, T.K! How you doing, bro?... Awesome! I can feel my inhibitions loweriiiinnnggggg..."

(("Alert: those idiots decided to slip some LSD into the sedatives again and I can't cancel them without these guys catching on. You'll be fine; you're just tripping like a bitch bitch biiittccchhhhh..."))

"Oh... woah wohohooo wooo! SO MANY BEAUTIFUL COLORS!!! AND GLITCHES!!! THIS SHIT IS BUGGED! WHO THE FUCK MODDED THIS MAP?!?"

(("This is the fourth time this week. Officer Barbrady is more responsible than these idiots."))

"T.K! I NEED YOU TO TELL ME THAT I CAN LEAVE THIS BETA-ASS JAIL CELL WHENEVER I WANT!"

(("Can't do kkksssssshhhhhh. I can, however, kkkssshhh you that the contraband checks here are shi-kkkkssssshhhhhhh."))

"Yiiiiiiiiip."

"What was that?"

"YIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPP YIP YIP Y̴̻̝̍͐̊Î̵͉͈͙̂̄͘Ṕ̷̡̋͝Y̴͖̍̎̽̃İ̵̢̹͈̼́Ṗ̵̣͎͔̤̾Y̸̨̨͍͐I̴̝̩̳̎̍͑̔P̸̞̟̈́̚͘!̵̢̳̰͘!̴̳̤̂̍!̴̦̭̉͆̊͋ͅ"̴̧̣͛̇̑

"Ohhhh, no! HOW THE HELL ARE YOU HERE?!?!?!?!"

Present:

"Oh. Oh, shit."

Smiling Cherub is a South Park Creepypasta where 'supposedly' (total made up bullshit), there was a South Park fan who bought a pirated DVD of an alternative version of the second part of the season 15 two parter, "You're Getting Old" and "Ass Burgers" where Stan becomes depressed as hell, sees everything as shit, and drinks to solve the problem.