How to Survive South Park

Telepathic Titans

"This is your big plan?" I can't help but ask Kenny again.

After like 15 minutes, Kenny finally helped get Wendy off of me. We then tied the possessor and possessed up and brought them over to the Indian burial ground. Kenny then flew full speed to the nearest church to get some holy water but that turned out to be priest cum so he went to the next nearest church but the holy water there was cum too.

He eventually gave up after trying 5 different churches and went to South Park to get the closest thing to holy water so far and fly back with it. He then changed our outfits into Youth Pastors and dumped the whole bottle of water on her while chanting "The Power of Christ Compels You!"

"That shit doesn't work, you perverted dumbass."

"See, the ghost's talking some sense for once."

"Well, do you have any bright ideas?"

"I tried asking the Goths, Woodland Critters, and Damien but they couldn't help with shit."

"I asked if YOU had any bright ideas."

"*sigh* I guess we could try Operation: Fan Service."

"Not sure how that would help but whatever floats your boat, dude." Kenny comments as he starts taking off his Hawaiian shirt to reveal his bare chest.

"What are you- NO! That's Operation: Fic Service! I was talking about Imaginationland! We could imagine and bring out the Ghostbusters or something from there."

"OOOOOooohhhhh, ok. Yeah, that might work. But what if it doesn't?"

"Then I'll go and get Chef's parents from Scotland and have them do their own exorcism ritual on her. Remember, the one they did with your soul when you were stuck in Cartman?"

(A/N: Season 6's "The Biggest Douche in the Universe")

"I remember that but I don't remember exactly where in Scotland they live. And before you suggest doing it ourselves, do you remember how it even went to begin with? What I mean is the exact word-for-word ritual, costumes, props, and hand gestures.

We also need a victim child for that. I'm cool with grabbing Nathan or maybe one of the adults in monster costumes for a sacrifice if you are but I doubt the spirit will be very happy about it."

"I remember the basics of it. That's why it's Plan B, Kenny."

"Is plan C the abortion method? That's what the Woodland Critters recommended, right?"

(A/N: Season 8's "Woodland Critter Christmas")

"Fucking NO! I don't even know how to give one and I doubt you do either! I never even did that quest line in Stick of Truth!"

(A/N: Part of the shit the player (New Kid) had to do during the girls' series of required missions on Day 3. Said mission involved sneaking into an abortion clinic to steal some documents before having to kill nazi zombie fetuses. Yes, I'm serious.)

"Why can't you just let me go, Dii?"

"First, stop calling me that and second, you're currently possessing a FRIEND of mine."

"She's cool with it."

"I doubt that." She suddenly squints and opens her eyes after a few seconds with a massive blush forming on her face.

"Uh, hey guys. Sorry about Lisa. I told her to not be so upfront about it." I give her the typical Craig Tucker expression while Kenny starts snickering.

"You two have some serious issues. Three if we're counting the spirit. Look, I was kind of bullshitting about still being heartbroken over Leslie back there but you didn't need to go THAT far. Did you seriously break up with Stan?"