How to Survive South Park

Nahkriin War Part 6 - Cheaters Always Prosper

Dovah grabs the long, prehensile tongue the Guinea Pirate just launched at him before swinging it and the colossal guinea pig around until it slams into a group of Visitor ships like they're bowling pins.

Another wave of gingerbots then blast countless lasers at him but a quick Wall of Hellfire knocks most of them out of the sky.

None of these groups have the power to stop Dovah themselves, he's become way too powerful to be killed by most conventional means at this point. Even together, they're at most an inconvenience.

Multiply their numbers by a few hundred and throw some superweapons in the mix like Mecha Streisand, some Star Destroyers, the Tenormech and more, well, then things start to get dangerous.

A Dire Shroud protects Dovah from multiple SAMs (Surface-to-Air-Missiles) from the government and TIE fighter blasts from Mickey's army before blasting at the latter and the Star Destroyer that's deploying them.

The TIE fighters get destroyed but the Star Destroyer is a bit tougher to take down. It also isn't firing anything itself as all its power is currently being directed into its engines; not that Dovah realized that or what the enemies' plan is before the thing rams straight into him, kamikaze style, and collides with the ground, shaking the entire battlefield.

"MOTHERFUUUUUUU-"

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*

"HE'S DOWN! HURRY, KEEP HIM PINNED!" Tenorman orders and he in his giant robot along with Mecha Streisand and multiple of the remaining Super Best Friends head over and rain blow after blow down onto the spot Dovah crashed at.

He's already summoned past New Kid again in desperation with Timefart Summon and still has over half an hour until he can bring the kid here again. Most of the Nahkriin soldiers that were either stationed at other facilities around the world or going through a rushed training regime are here too thanks to portal gun warping but Nahkriin still has a massive disadvantage in numbers.

There's a reason why Cartman has mostly been using guerilla tactics so far. Combined, their enemies far outnumber them even with their newest recruits from Mexico.

Relying on things like warp raids where Dovah emerges from a portal right on top of an enemy base and fires a Prominence Burn to melt the building and everyone in it within 30 seconds before quickly retreating back through the portal helped them keep their enemies on their toes and force them to spread their forces out to counteract this.

Warping in general opens up so many possibilities for guerilla warfare. No advanced warning, no risks of being spotted by random patrols before the assault starts, no problems with delivering weapons like guns and bombs to the location in question, easy retreat after the fight is over, the list goes on and on.

It's like playing a game on the lowest difficulty setting.

Ironically enough, the Rebellion in Star Wars used a similar strategy against the Empire (quick raids at important facilities before escaping through hyperspace), something Mickey caught onto rather quickly and infuriated him to no end.

But then Nahkriin got bolder and started occupying the enemy bases instead, taking over what resources they could and pushing their enemies further into a corner as they got more numbers and supplies from both their enemies and Imaginationland. At least, that was what they hoped would happen.

The evil alliance getting the support of many more groups so quickly was unexpected considering the destruction of the NSA via Santa and his own forces (and unintentional frying of their backup intel network, Moses). Tenorman utilizing Nahkriin's portal guns to warp practically their entire combined army in for a killing blow was also unexpected.