How to Survive South Park

Shutting Down

The entire stadium from humans to ads alike stops and stares at me after I killed Leslie. I try to stand up but I can feel myself hyperventilating and fall onto my knees. The world begins to spin as a loud ringing replaces the silence my ears were picking up.

The battle unpaused after a couple seconds with bullets flying and people shouting everywhere but I could barely think straight. I could see Karen crying over a fatally wounded Mysterion, Timmy checking up on Jimmy, and finally Craig rushing towards me before I black out.

When I wake up, I find myself in bed and am instantly confused.

'Was that all just a dream?'

"Hey dude, how are you feeling?" Kenny suddenly hops up on my bed with a concerned expression on his face.

"I... wait, what happened? The gun show, did I... do it?" Kenny then flashes a smile at me.

"You did it, dude. It's over. The ads here are gone. Whole Foods has been destroyed by yours truly. Jimmy is revealing the ads to the world through his newspaper with the evidence you got all over it and his super speed as we speak. We won, Dovah."

I smile at this and then begin to cry. I really did it. I stopped her and saved the world. So then why do I feel so... so...

Kenny then gives me a hug.

"I know, I know. Everyone knows. Clyde and Tweek forgive you and they along with the rest of the squad are here if you need a few shoulders to cry on, which you definitely do."

Jimmy finishes distributing the newspapers across the country and Garrison helps with shipping them around the world. A party is then thrown at Tolkien's house to celebrate our long awaited victory against the ads.

I go there but I feel like total shit. There's a massive hole in my heart and I feel depressed as hell. So this is what Stan felt like when Wendy dumped him the first time around.

Speaking of those two, they are back together thanks to a bit of telepathic mental magic from Timmy. Nobody in South Park cares about yaoi or yuri anymore thanks to him so Stan and Wendy are together again and Bebe seems to be hitting on Clyde right now.

The latter runs over to me as soon as he sees me and breaks down while apologizing for what he said before and thinking I was "traitourous simp piss" which is pretty ironic all things considered but I forgive him.

Tweek apologies too which I also forgive nearly robotically as I sit down.

Kenny's POV:

Shit, he is in really bad shape right now. Like Goth Stan levels of bad.

"Well, look on the bright side, Cartman, you finally lost some weight!"

"Screw you, hippie!" Oh, speak of the devil. The Team Stan Trio was invited since they did help deal with the ads so they deserve a thank you as well. Cartman's severed hand was fucked up during the end of the fight so he is having a prosthetic one made for him which he wants to be metal and have like 10 different appliances attached to it.

Unfortunately, his mom is a crack whore so they aren't exactly made of money right now but I'm sure Cartman will just do one of his business endeavors to get the funds for one of those eventually.

"Uh, hey Kenny."

"Hey."

"So... how's you know who doing?"

"He's like you when you went goth. So total shit."

"Oh. Well look dude-" He then gives the best apology he can which frankly isn't very good and asks me if I want to join the group again but I refuse. Life is about growth and change. I'm going through a new chapter of my life right now and they simply aren't part of it.