Hits Different | S. Stilinski

46| Vulnerable gets people killed

Last night was long. We found a shifter, which has to be Malia. We also found her den. She's not going back to it now that Scott has gone in it.

I couldn't sleep after we left the woods. I tried but I kept tossing and turning, keeping Stiles up with me. So, I came home. And now I wake up alone.

For some reason it's more soothing. Waking up next to Stiles makes me almost feel guilty.

I stare at the picture mocking me from my vanity. I'm trying to be okay but I just can't. At school I'm fine for the most part. It isn't until I'm home alone where it all starts to hit me.

I'll never be over Lainey or her death. I don't care how long it is. I'll forever be jealous of my variants that get to live the rest of their lives out with their Lainey.

The pain is like a stinging sensation in my chest. My head is filled with memories filled with her that I can't forget but want to. It's becoming harder to be alone. I want to bury my pain so bad but Wanda always told me to never do that.

I put on a front that I'm okay to everyone. But how am I supposed to be okay without her in my life? I miss her more and more each day. I thought the pain would become more bearable but it hasn't.

I stand up, grabbing the picture. I look at it before setting it on fire. Tears start falling down my face as I grab the next picture, doing the same thing.

I start screaming, throwing everything around. I'm about to throw the picture frame from my nightstand when my door swings open. I slowly turn around and look at Noah.

"W-what are you doing here?"

"We got a noise complaint." He starts walking towards me. "Put the picture down."

I look around at the mess I made. My room is a complete mess. It's actually completely destroyed. I look at the picture in my hand. The most recent picture of Lainey and I.

I slowly I fall to the ground as Noah rushes towards me. He wraps his arms around my body.

"I don't want it to hurt anymore."

I start crying into his chest.

"I know.. I know, jelly bean."

Ten minutes go by and my tears dry up. He helps me up. It's crazy because Lainey was his daughter. But he doesn't feel the pain. At least not anymore. Not like me.

"I'm fine, Noah.. I just need.. I don't really know what I need."

"Maybe you need some time alone.."

"Alone?"

"I love my son, and you know how Claudia felt about you two." He smiles. "But you need to breath, jelly bean."

My hand goes to the necklaces around my neck.

"I don't want to push him away."

"He loves you more than life. He'll understand."

I slowly nod. I take off both necklaces. I stare at them in my hands.

"Maybe I just need a breather in New York.."

"That may be good for you."

"I don't want him to hate me."

"He'll never hate you."

"He might.. I can't keep acting like I'm fine when I'm not. I feel so.. so vulnerable."

He lets out a deep breath.

"Sometimes vulnerable is okay."

"Vulnerable gets people killed."

He puts his hands on my head.

"Lainey's death is not on your hands, Aurora."

A lie I've been telling myself but the day it happened replays in my head at night when I can't sleep. There are things I could've done and didn't. I should've killed Kali the chance I had. Maybe if I did Lainey would still be here.

"It is and I have to deal with that the rest of my life." I whisper. "I saw it and should've just killed Kali the second I had a chance."

"Lainey wouldn't have seen it that way."

I wipe my tears, standing up. He walks me out of my house and to my car. I drive to school in pure silence.

I look at the necklaces I put in my cupholder. I grab them and my bag before making my way into the school. My head starts pounding from all the crying. The bell rings and makes it ten times worse.

I run into history, taking my seat at the back of the class. Mr. Yukimura calls on Stiles to do a reading in front of the class.

I tilt my head, watching him struggle to read the words. He looks up and starts hyperventilating. I instantly stand up, walking towards him.

"I-I should take him to the nurses office."

I grab his arm, Scott helps me bring him out of the class. He falls into the boys bathroom, narrowly grabbing the sink.

"This is just a dream.. it's a dream."

"Stiles, this is real."

"You're not dreaming man. You're here with us."

He starts to calm down, looking at me. His eyes look at my bare neck.

"Your necklaces.."

Scott turns around to look at me.

"I.. umm.."

"I'm gonna give you two some space."

Scott quickly walks out. I pull the necklaces out of my back pocket. I grab his hand, putting them in the center.

"W-what?" He says. "What's going on?"

"Stiles, I love you. Don't think for a second I don't."

"Everything was fine? D-did I do something?"

I shake my head as tears start forming in my eyes. He's far from the problem. And it's cliche to say it's me not you but it's true.

"I need space. I'm going to New York for a little bit.. I need to try and be okay without Lainey."

He doesn't know what to say and I get it. I walk away before he even gets a word in. I wipe the tears streaming down my face. I get to my car and let them all go. I break out into a full sob before turning my car on and going back home.