A Helping Hand (Dan and Phil phanfic)

Late night thoughts

Phil wasnt sure what to do next. He felt disgusting. Used. Pathetic.

He got out of bed and headed to the shower. Maybe a shower would help?

He felt dirty.

He got in the shower and started to think, Who would miss him if he died?

He shook his head and looked at his feet. Why was he thinking like that? He continued to think, maybe it would have been better if the man had just killed him. Then he wouldnt have to live with this.

That nights actions replayed in his head over and over agian.

He didnt have to live with this. He could end it all himself.

He climbed out the shower and searched through his draw until he found a box of razors.

He grabbed his towel and headed to his room before locking the door.

Surely he wasnt going to go through with this, he started to think of other options, surely it would get better?

He put on his clean pyjamas and climbed into bed.

He closed his eyes but all he could see was him.

He climbed out of bed and picked up the blades.

He rolled up his sleeves and looked at the old, faded scars on his arms. He remeberd all those times when he was younger. Al thoses times he would cut. How much better it made him feel.

He ran the blade accross his arm, expecting reliefe, but instead he felt the same.

He tried again but nothing.

Angrily, he tried again, digging deeper to find the form of release that he was so familiar with, but still, he felt nothing.

It became obvious to him. The only way to find releif would be to end it all.