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"I don't know Beyoncé. Just stop." I pushed her hand away from my face because she's been asking questions for so long. Constantly touching me and groping me. I don't wanna be touched.
We're out to dinner with our families because it's her dads birthday. I'm obviously not in the mood right now. Haven't been since we got home from the hospital but it's whatever. Things have just been really...down for me lately. I don't know. I'm really confused myself.
I would say postpartum but I don't want it to be that.....
"Are you ready to go home?"
I sighed deeply and looked at her from the side of my eye.
"We can leave...We've been here long enough."
"Beyoncé just enjoy your family. I'm good."
She looked me over again and turned back to her mom. I just sat and watched everyone interact. In all honesty I wanna go home but I also don't wanna be that girlfriend. It'll be above embarrassing.
I felt my head start to hurt and sighed. Along with that, Gisé started to whine. So I cleaned my hands before grabbing her car seat and going to the bathroom. Cleaning my hands again and grabbing her out of the seat. She's three weeks and we've only been home for two. I blame the hospital.
We're all moved into the new house, but nothing feels as exciting as it did when I first made it home. I try.
"What's wrong mama?" I laid her on my shoulder and walked in a slow circle while patting her back. Soon I realized what was wrong....She pooted so loud and her body wiggled so wildly. A sigh left her mouth and I chuckled. Such a character. "That's what's wrong my love."
I laid her changing pad on the changing station apart of the restroom and laid her on it to change her diaper. It wasn't poop but she did pee. She hates the cold wipes so i'm sure she's about to cry.
Which she did. But it stopped when I finished and gave her the paci. This is her favorite thing beside my boobs. And they're starting to ache.
"I'm sorry pookie." I kissed her before dressing her back and laying her inside the car seat. I was about to walk out until someone walked inside.
It was Bey and some other woman.
"Omg how old is she?!"
I gave an awkward chuckle. I've been hating this part. Unknown people getting excited and coming up to me as if they've never seen a baby before. Plus they can never see her face because I keep a cover over her seat.
"Three weeks."
"Aw she's fresh. I was just telling Beyoncé about my freshy. They're so cute during this stage."
I looked at Bey and she was already looking at me. Why is she talking to this woman about her baby? I've been gone like five minutes so how?
"Yes ma'am."
She smiled and went inside the restroom stall. It's like Gisé sensed something because she immediately started crying. I cleaned my hands before taking her back out and patting her back on my shoulder. Massaging it the way I do in case it's her stomach again.
My eyes stayed on Beyoncé and I knew she felt it because she avoided my stare. Rubbing her neck nervously and staring at her feet. The lady came out smiling again, but I ignored her. Still staring at my dummy.
As soon as the lady left out, Bey cleared her throat. I swear she's so dumb.
"So...what was wrong?"
"She had to poot and I changed her diaper."
"She's good? Are you good? Need anything?"
"Nope....Who was that girl?"
"Just someone from minutes ago. She started talking to me about her baby. Don't know why."
I huffed lowly and laid Gisé back in her seat. It's whatever. Doesn't even matter. She opened the door and we went out back to the table. Everyone was laughing and talking while eating. I'm not even hungry.
"We're leaving in a second." Beyoncé whispered in my ear and I kept looking forward.
I'm ready to leave. ⚣ "I don't think you're okay." Bey whispered in my neck. Laying in bed with Gisé on my chest is all we've been doing. The dinner was fun for everyone and in the end, they all wanted to gush over my baby. Which i'm used to because they've been coming over since we moved.
I don't play that passing around stuff so they all don't hold her.
"Why do you think that?"
"Because you're not you baby....I know what's wrong, I just don't want to feel like i'm pressuring you."
"What's wrong with me then?" I turned my head to her and she sat up. Pecking my lips and staring.
"It's postpartum."
"I know." I turned back forward and sighed. It's weird that I actually know what it is but don't know how to help it. Wish I did, but I can't. The things i've looked up are things that, not to be racist, but white peoples would do. Not what I wanna do.
"We can figure out things to do to make it better. It's you and me. We got this."
I nodded and she kissed my forehead before laying back down.
