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I drove to Robyn's house in nothing but a black shirt and booty shorts. For some reason I did it again. It's like an addiction but i'm not addicted. Maybe I do it because i'm bored or because I want to feel it....I don't know. But I need to stop. I got better just to fuck up. It's like a bad feeling waiting to happen, I feel it in my soul. I'm gonna be fucked up. So I need to be somewhere I know i'll be taken care of.
Beyoncé may get upset with me and be mean, so I need Robyn who's gonna be upset but still know how to treat me. I got out the car and knocked on her door. It took her a minute to answer but I heard her mumble something on her camera. Now I feel bad for coming. Should've went to Lo.
Soon the door opened and I just stared at her. It made me want to cry with the way she was looking. It's been a minute so i'm sure it won't click on her head.
"Onika why are you just standing there? In these small ass clothes like you don't weigh half your size." I frowned a little at that. It doesn't even make sense..... "Come in." She pulled my arm and I stepped into the house. It smelled like pumpkin which made my stomach feel weird. I scrunched my face before silently walking towards her downstairs bathroom and bending down to the toilet.
Not long after, I started puking my guts out. Like really throwing up. It felt familiar...
"Robyn...."
"Onika what's going on?"
"Robyn!" I started panicking and breathing abnormally. I'm fucking pregnant and I took those pills. "Rihanna! I did something so stupid!" I cried while looking at her with tears down my face.
"What did you do?! Onika talk to me." She bent down in front of me with a towel, wiping my face and kissing my forehead. All I did was stare at her. She'll be able to tell by my eyes in a sec, I feel it already. "No." She grabbed my face roughly.
"I'm sorry."
"Why'd you do it?"
"I don't know...it's like a feeling that I can't escape."
"That's not the first time....When else?"
"After the trip I think. Like three days after we got home."
"Onika that's been a minute...Why didn't you come then?"
"I told myself I would stop and now I think i'm pregnant because the smell of pumpkin just made me throw up and now i'm gonna be in so much trouble. Beyoncé isn't gonna wanna be with me anymore because I harmed our baby-"
"Stop it. Just stop okay? You're gonna make yourself panic, we don't want that. You know how you get when you're high, you just sleep it off. Like always right? So we're gonna let you sleep and then you can drain with fluids in the morning."
I nodded while holding in a sob and sighed heavily to let it go.
