His Fate

Chapter 16: Why Is Death the Only Way Out?

Valentina POV

"He's never going to be mine," I told Elena "is he all your problems?" She asked me "yes and no," I said, "yes because he's bipolar and I like him for god's sake and I'm admitting this right now, and no because if he knows I have asthma he'll ignore me plus I have severe asthma and it's uncontrolled. Plus I'm losing a lot of weight which isn't on my side and the medications are increasing and the attacks don't stop and I just don't know what brought me here. I like it here but I hate it at the same time" "ok so what now?" she asked me "I have to quit, I'm going to quit right after the weekend and I'm returning to England or continue traveling the world on my account just for fun and forget about everything just till the end. I can go to Mykonos and Santorini, Tokyo, China, Thailand, or Egypt. Or I can even go all. What will I lose?" I said, "wait for a second the doorbell's ringing," I said, "let it be, you're not quitting" "I have to go, Elena, call you later. Bye"

"Aiden?" "Nice way to greet someone Valentina from England," he said, "what?" He chuckled "come in" he entered my house. "nice home" "never thought of it as a home though, why do you always say that when you come," I said, "why so grumpy?" "Just tired from the traveling," I said closing the door "oh" "what would you like to drink?" I asked him "coffee please"

We were in the kitchen "you never came here?" I asked him "well I came here, but never told you I liked your home" I chuckled.

We drank coffee and chatted for a bit, I told him everything "so should I give him my resignation paper?" "Are you crazy?" Aiden said, "no, I am not" "well, there isn't a sane person who would do that. You like him. You love him and for that you ignore him," he talked to me as if I was crazy "he's crazy Aiden and I don't love him," I said, "you like his craziness" I nodded "hey" I yelled "you should be helping me against him" he laughed "the thing is, I don't know if he notices me. Like I am only a distraction, a timely distraction. I know everything about him but when will the day come when someone knows everything about me?"

"Valentina I am enough and everything," he said laughing "but somehow Richard knows everything about you" "what? No. Not a chance" I denied "he knows where you live, your name, age, job description" "yeah, ok. Because that's on my CV" I said in a duh tone "ok but according to the job description Mr. Pierce doesn't yell at you shouldn't that be right?" I nodded but he gave me one, "ok, didn't Mia tell you that he never goes out with workers, he stayed with you in the hospital" "Aiden, stop it you're giving me ideas" "what ideas?" He acted innocent "that he likes you?" I nodded "that's the point darling" "bullocks Aiden if you say that one more time, I'm going to" I didn't know what to say "Aiden you're getting my hopes up for nothing and you know I don't want this anymore" "trust me this is for real," he said, "no, I'm scared of trusting men." "hey," he said looking at me and putting his hand on mine "and I don't want to blame it on you in the end" "can you just promise me to think about it?" I nodded.

"Or we can just travel the world and have fun," I said "yeah, or that too, but you're paying for my plane tickets" I laughed at his response.

Aiden was gone and I was alone surrounded by these four white walls again, the walls that reminded me of the places I spent most of my time in. The places I hated most. I hate this house, the house I want to spend my time most in yet don't want want to spend my time in. Everything is white. White walls, white shelves, white empty frames, white kitchen floors, white bathroom walls and floors, white bathroom, everything is white. I hate this place. Every white thing reminds me of the hospitals I go to. I don't feel comfortable in here, yet I don't have the ability, power, will, and immunity to paint those walls. Every time I go somewhere I see something white, every time I see my skin, the paper I get reminded of hospitals. That's why I don't have any white clothes, bags anything. Death, death is the only word I have in my mind. Why is death the only way out of this misery?

Elena called me again and we talked for a bit. "ok bye I have to go grocery shopping" I am not going to think about it. This is the last thing that I have to bear in mind. "Valentina" "what?" I asked her "think about it" I nodded "and don't drink wine" I groaned and closed the call.