In My Dreams - Bill Kaulitz Story

20. Mission Elise

I slumped onto the bed in my tour bus room and pounded my fists on the mattress in frustration. I was so disappointed by Elise's reaction, and I felt like I had to do something to win her over. But what?
I began to think about what Elise liked. I was sure that girls loved romance. Maybe that was the key. Perhaps I should publicly declare my love for her in a romantic way. But how should I go about it?
While I contemplated, I started considering various ideas. Should I do it during our performance, in front of a large audience? Or should I arrange something more intimate and personal? I knew I had to be careful because I didn't want to pressure or overwhelm Elise. An idea slowly formed in my mind. What if I declared my love for her in public, in front of thousands of fans during our performance? It seemed like a bold move, but it also felt like the only way to express my feelings for her in a special way.
I knew I had to plan it carefully so that the moment would be perfect. Perhaps I could do it during one of our most emotional songs, or maybe even write a new song specifically for her. Either way, I was determined to give it my all and show how deep my feelings for Elise were.
The laughter and chatter of Elise, Georg, and Gustav penetrated my room, pulling me out of my thoughts. I realized I wasn't the only one awake early, and I decided to join them in the common area. Maybe some distraction would do me good after the confusing conversations with Elise. I got up and left my room to join the others.

"There's our sleeping beauty!" Georg joked. There was some laughter, but my face remained serious.
Suddenly, I couldn't suppress my feelings any longer. "Why don't you give us a chance, Elise? I'm really in love with you!" My heart pounded in my throat as I spoke the words. Both Georg and Gustav seemed surprised by my confession. Georg took immediate action and gave me a nudge, clearly taken aback by my revelation.
"Tom, you can't be serious!" he exclaimed. "Haven't you caused enough trouble already? You've slept with her, for crying out loud!"
Gustav tried to calm the situation. "Can you guys be quieter? Bill might hear everything."
Georg grabbed my arm and dragged me forward in the bus, away from Elise.

Georg asked our driver to pull over and stop the bus. We got out of the tour bus, and the fresh air filled my lungs. Georg offered me a cigarette, and I accepted it gratefully. It felt like the nicotine was calming my nerves somewhat. We leaned against the bus and stared at the road in front of us while smoking in silence. The morning sun began to rise slowly, and the world gradually woke up around us.
I took a deep breath, letting the smoke escape from my mouth slowly, trying to sort out my thoughts.
Georg looked at me with concern as we continued to smoke, as if he could guess what was going through my mind.
Georg looked at me seriously and asked, "Tom, what does all of this mean? Why are you doing this? And why now, in the middle of our tour?"
I sighed deeply and tried to find the right words. "I'm sorry, Georg. I don't even know myself. It's just... complicated. I have feelings for Elise, and it's driving me crazy."
"I know this is all wrong," I finally admitted. "I'm truly sorry, but I can't just turn off my feelings. And yes, I know we all had issues with Elise, but this is different. This is... complicated."
Georg furrowed his brow and examined me. "Complicated? Tom, Bill already has a hard time with what happened. Making this public to her will only make it worse."
I nodded in agreement, knowing that Georg was right. "I know, Georg, and I'm genuinely sorry. I didn't want this to happen, but suddenly, I couldn't control myself. I just had to say it to her."
Georg also sighed and rubbed his face. "Tom, this has to stop. You need to try to get over her and respect Bill's relationship. He deserves to be happy. As long as I've known Bill, he's been searching for true love. Don't take that away from him now."
I nodded slowly and let Georg's words sink in. His words made me doubt myself, and I realized that Georg was right. What was I actually doing? What right did I have to disrupt my twin brother's relationship? I stared at the ground, lost in thought, as Georg and I finished our cigarettes. "I'll try, Georg," I finally said, with a sigh of resignation.
Georg gave me an encouraging pat on the shoulder and smiled weakly. "That's the best you can do, mate."
The loud sounds from the tour bus reached us, and we heard Gustav clearly say that he was going outside to have a cigarette. That was clearly a signal that Bill would follow him. I composed myself and watched Gustav, my twin brother Bill, and Elise come outside.
It was difficult to understand my feelings at that moment. On the one hand, I wanted to see Bill happy with Elise, but on the other hand, I couldn't deny my own feelings. This was a tricky situation I had put myself in, and I knew I had to deal with it, one way or another.