In My Dreams - Bill Kaulitz Story

75. Fear

POV Elise

The past few days have been like an emotional roller coaster. I had more or less confined myself, dreading the moment when David would stand at my door again. And as if that wasn't enough, I terribly missed Bill. The realization that I might have been too harsh on him was slowly sinking in. Why couldn't he move on with his life? It was unrealistic of me to expect him to put his love life on hold until I found my way back. But despite these insights, I hadn't mustered the courage to make amends with him. The fear that I would immediately fall for him again and complicate going home held me back.
I had tried countless ways to return to my own world, but so far, every attempt had failed. However, I didn't give up; the determination still burned within me. One day, I told myself, I would wake up in my familiar room, surrounded by my own reality.
I was still in my hotel bed, surrounded by silence. It was a rare moment of calm amid the chaos plaguing my thoughts. I stared at the ceiling, my mind filled with thoughts of what had been and what could still come. The warmth of the bed and the calmness of the room offered a temporary escape from the complexity of my situation.
Suddenly, there was a knock on my door, and I sat up straight in bed, my heart pounding in my chest. It had happened before that David knocked on my door, so I remained completely still, making it seem like I wasn't there.
"Elise? Are you there?" I suddenly heard Paul call out. A sigh of relief escaped my mouth. "Yes, one moment!" I shouted back. I jumped out of bed, quickly threw on a bathrobe, and opened the door.
Paul stood in front of my door with a concerned frown on his face. "Everything okay with you?" he asked, his gaze filled with care.
I forced a smile on my face. "Yes, everything's fine. Just needed some rest," I replied, trying to make my voice sound as normal as possible.

Paul looked at me with concern and sighed before speaking. "Elise, I need to tell you something. Bas is sick; he got food poisoning according to the doctor." My heart constricted at the news about Bas, a mix of concern and disappointment.
"Is he okay?" was my immediate reaction, and Paul nodded reassuringly. "Yes, the doctor says it's nothing serious, but he needs to rest."
"Can I go see him?" I asked worriedly, but Paul shook his head. "No, it's contagious, and we don't want you or anyone else from the crew to get sick. We're not taking any risks."
The realization that I couldn't visit Bas hurt, but I understood the importance of precautions. "So, what are we going to do about the performance?" I asked, wondering how the show could go on without Bas.
Paul forced a smile. "The show will go on, don't worry. We've decided to play a live version of Bas's guitar. You'll be alone on stage." "But..." I began, and Paul quickly interrupted me. "We'll go to the concert hall with Tokio Hotel soon. We're leaving early for an extra soundcheck, so your performance goes smoothly."
I sighed; in the past few days, I had done everything to avoid confrontations with David and Tokio Hotel. But today, it seemed I had no choice. "Okay, Paul," I sighed finally, "I'll get ready, and then I'll come to the lobby."

I rushed to the tour bus, making sure not to run into anyone. In the bus, I slumped down by the window, watching the members of Tokio Hotel come out and get into their own bus. David, their manager, followed them, and a wave of disgust washed over me. "Slob," I muttered to myself, my feelings mixed with frustration and anger.
I put on my headphones, the volume high enough to block out the outside world, and tried to focus on the upcoming performance. The music filled my ears, and I closed my eyes.
The bus started moving, and I let my thoughts wander to the challenges ahead. The absence of Bas, the tension with Tokio Hotel, and above all, the fact that David was also in that building sent shivers down my spine.

Upon arriving at the concert hall, I quickly dropped my things in the dressing room. My focus immediately shifted to the stage for my soundcheck. There, surrounded by people, I felt somewhat relieved of the fear and tension.
As I walked past Tokio Hotel's dressing room, a shiver ran down my spine at the sight of Bill. It was as if time stood still. Our eyes briefly met, but the words that were about to be spoken vanished into the air. Bill's mouth opened for a moment, but then closed without a sound. He looked at the floor, and I continued on my way to the stage. It was clear that he had nothing more to say to me.
The soundcheck went relatively smoothly. At first, it was a bit strange to hear only Bas's guitar from the speakers. But after a few rehearsals, I got used to it, and my soundcheck was over. When an assistant from the venue brought me back to my dressing room, I asked if I could have the key. To my surprise, he mentioned that they weren't being distributed due to fire safety. I immediately felt a tightness in my chest. Tokio Hotel would now be busy with their soundcheck, and normally, David was always there. So, I could breathe a sigh of relief in my dressing room for a while.
Once inside, I left the door open to maintain some sense of freedom. I walked to the window and stared outside, where the contours of the city were outlined against the twilight. My thoughts drifted to the situation with Bill and how I now, without the protection of a locked dressing room, felt uncomfortable.