In My Dreams - Bill Kaulitz Story

69. Regret always comes too late

POV Bill

The memories of the previous night slowly began to seep into my consciousness. While bent over the toilet, the full extent of my reckless actions painfully became clear to me. The taste of alcohol and the smell of vomit lingered in the air as I emptied my stomach. With each retch and wave of nausea, I was reminded that I had made a colossal mistake.
I reminisced about that moment on the dance floor when Alissa seduced me with her mesmerizing moves. Her soft lips on mine, her fiery passion that carried me away in a moment of weakness. How could I let myself go like that? Why had I taken the risk of kissing a total stranger? It felt like a betrayal to Elise, to myself.
I looked up at Tom, standing in the doorway. His expression combined concern and irritation. My head pounded like a beating drum, and my mouth felt dry and sore. Tom shook his head and asked with a deep sigh, "You have some explaining to do, Bill."
I tried to pull myself up, my trembling hands supporting me on the cold bathroom tiles. My knees felt weak, and I almost collapsed again. But I had to face this. I had to confront my friends, especially Tom, and explain what had happened. There was no escaping the consequences of my impulsive act. My reputation and my relationship with Elise were at stake.
Exhausted, I slumped against the wall and looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. My eyes were bloodshot, my cheeks pale. I looked like a wreck, and in a way, I felt like one too. What had possessed me to make that one foolish move that turned my world upside down? What made me believe I could drown the pain and confusion inside me in the arms of another?
Tom looked at me with concerned eyes, but I averted my gaze, staring at the tiled floor of the bathroom. I knew I couldn't tell the truth about the contract and reality-shifting – those were secrets I couldn't share with anyone, not even my brother. So, I quickly fabricated an excuse to obscure the truth.
"I had a fight with Elise about Bas," I whispered, my voice trembling, betraying the impending tears.
"About Bas?" Tom repeated, surprised by my statement. He clearly didn't understand what was going on, and who could blame him?
I nodded, my eyes fixed on the floor as I told the half-invented story. "I can see how he looks at her, and they've become so close. I couldn't take it anymore, Tom."
But then Tom told me something that completely surprised me. "Bas is gay," he said, with an expression of wonder on his face. "What?" I exclaimed in disbelief. "How do you know that?"
Tom shrugged and explained, "He told us himself."
"Damn it, stop being so jealous!" Tom hissed, throwing my frustration and emotional confusion into the open air. His words struck a sensitive chord, and I glared at him, hoping he would understand my pain.
"Do you mean that, Tom?" I asked, a hint of anger in my voice. "She already cheated on me with my twin brother. How the hell can I trust her?" It was a painful revelation on my part, but I could no longer remain silent.
Tom visibly swallowed, and I could see he was struggling with his own feelings about this matter. "Bill, you guys have had so much fun the past few days. At our place, on the plane, you name it. It can't be that you suddenly decide to drop Elise."
At that moment, there was a loud knock on the hotel room door, and David's voice echoed through the space: "BREAKFAST NOW!" It was clear that we had no more time to continue this conversation.
I stood up and looked at Tom with a void in my gaze. "Let's just go," I mumbled, wondering how I could handle all of this and if I could ever look Elise in the eyes again.

After the conversation with Tom about Elise and the confusing events of the previous night, we headed to the breakfast room. Georg and Gustav were already sitting at a table, waiting for us to join them. They all looked up as Tom and I sat down.
"Hey guys," Tom greeted them as I nodded with a nervous smile.
"Hey Bill, you're still alive!" Georg exclaimed, displaying his wide grin. "We thought you'd be at least in a coma after that wild night."
I slumped into a chair and nodded wearily. My head still throbbed from the hangover, and I had absolutely no desire for this conversation.
I took a deep breath. "Barely, but the worst is over."
Gustav examined me and asked, "What exactly happened, Bill? You look like you've been run over by a truck."
I hesitated for a moment and then decided that I could at least share part of the truth. "Drank too much," I sighed. "I mean, actually, the whole thing with Elise." Gustav responded with a slight irritation.
Tom decided to speak. "Bill had a fight with Elise last night," he explained, looking at me to see if I agreed with his version of the story. Georg and Gustav exchanged concerned glances. "Oh man, that sucks," Georg said. "Do you want to talk about it?"
I shrugged. "I don't know, Georg. It's a complicated situation."
I tried to smile and took a sip of my coffee, hoping it would dispel the nausea. The breakfast buffet offered a variety of choices, but the idea of eating made me queasy, so I cautiously scooped up some scrambled eggs. I was sure this was going to be a long day.