In My Dreams - Bill Kaulitz Story

70. The conversation

We sat at the breakfast table in the hotel, and the atmosphere was tense after I explained why Elise and I had broken up. Gustav looked surprised, trying to piece together the puzzle. "So, you're fighting with Elise over Bas?" he asked, unbelieving of what he had just heard.
But Georg seemed determined to explain something. He began, "You know that..." I interrupted him before he could finish his sentence. "Yes, Georg, I know." My gaze fell on my half-empty plate, and I couldn't stomach another bite. My head still throbbed, and I felt completely drained.
Gustav continued, "You need to talk to Elise, Bill. If you still love her, you should try to sort this out." His words resonated with me, and I realized he was right. The situation would only get worse if I didn't talk to Elise.
I sighed deeply. I had to talk to Elise before this situation escalated any further. Talking was always better than running away and drowning my sorrow. I realized I couldn't just let Elise go. Talking was the only way to get clarification and maybe mend our relationship. "You're right, Gustav. I need to talk to Elise." The conversation with Elise wouldn't be easy. I didn't want her to know that I had kissed another girl, but I also didn't want the fight between us to escalate.
Tom dropped a teasing remark, "Talking is always better than randomly kissing girls, right, Bill?" He winked, but I wasn't in the mood for jokes.
I glared at him. "It's not that funny, Tom. I made a mistake." Tom threw another thoughtful look and asked, "Does Elise already know what happened?" I hoped not, but I couldn't blame her if she did. Perhaps she had already found out about what had happened during the award show last night. I was aware that I had plunged myself into this mess and that I had to face the consequences.

As we left the breakfast room and prepared to go to the tour bus, something happened that I didn't like at all. My eyes narrowed when I saw Elise in Bas's arms. An uncomfortable feeling of jealousy and anger overwhelmed me. "Are you sure Bas is into guys?" I muttered with a frowned face.
Gustav put his arm on my shoulder, trying to calm me down. "Bill, don't react so jealously! Go talk to her," he said with an understanding look in his eyes.
I decided to pull myself together and took a few steps towards her. But before I could reach her, Elise let go of Bas, and they both stepped into their tour bus. The guys saw the same, and Georg remarked, "For Elise, this must be tough too. Come on, we're getting on our bus already."

Arriving at the concert hall, we were immediately expected for styling. The worst effects of the hangover were thankfully over, and I had solemnly promised myself never to drink so much again. After my transformation into my stage look, I rushed to Elise and Bas's dressing room.
I knocked, and Bas answered from inside. My heart pounded in my throat as I walked in. It was immediately clear that Elise had also had a rough night. The dark circles under her eyes revealed that she hadn't slept well, and her eyes were red from crying. It broke my heart to see her like this, and I realized that we were both hurt.
I turned to Bas and asked with a lump in my throat, "Can I speak to Elise alone for a moment?" Bas nodded understandingly. "That might be best," he replied and left the room.

I continued into the dressing room and gently closed the door behind me. Elise sat on a chair at the makeup table, and her gaze was ice-cold. She stared at me intensely, and I could read anger in her eyes. I knew I had a lot to explain. I wanted to start by offering apologies, so I spoke with a broken voice, "Sorry, Elise..."
Elise looked at me with narrowed eyes, and her voice sounded bitter. "Sorry for what, Bill? For saying you love me? And then, just a few hours later, kissing another girl?" Her words cut through me, and I felt ashamed and guilty.
"Elise, please, listen," I tried, but she interrupted me with a broken voice.
"How could you, Bill?" she sobbed. "How could you kiss another girl last night after telling me you love me?" My heart seemed to break upon hearing her words. "I'm so sorry, Elise," I whispered, fighting my own tears. I tried to keep my own emotions in check, but the pain and doubt persisted. "I was broken inside," I continued.
Elise let out a frustrated sigh and averted her gaze. "What do you want me to say, Bill? That it didn't affect me? That I'm not hurt? Because that would be a lie."
I nodded understandingly. "No, I don't expect you to say it didn't affect you," I replied honestly. "I just want you to understand that I let the situation completely take over. I was drunk, confused, and felt like everything was spiraling out of control."
Elise looked at me again, her eyes still filled with anger and sadness. "So, that's your excuse? That you were drunk?" "No," I quickly said, "that's not an excuse, but it's an explanation. I should never have drunk so much, and I should never have kissed that girl." Elise shook her head. "Bill, you don't understand how difficult this is for me," she said, her voice trembling with emotion. She sighed deeply and continued, "I can't open my heart again only to be hurt. I can't." I felt guilty and realized how much pain I had caused her. "Elise, I'm so sorry for pressuring you to say those words back to me yesterday." She looked at me, her eyes full of sadness and frustration. "Look, Bill," she began, "I may look like your Elise, sound like your Elise, I might even smell like your Elise, but I'm not her. You love her." "No, Elise," I replied, "that's not true at all. I do..." But she interrupted me, her voice determined. "Stop, Bill. Stop saying you love me because your actions prove the opposite. For the outside world, we're broken up; let's act like it, Bill. I want you to leave and leave me alone."