..when words fail, music speaks.. [COMPLETE]

Chappie 44

Chopin. Frederic Francois Chopin. The Poet of the Piano.

Ang tutugtugin namin ay Etude in E Minor ‘Tristesse’. Isa itong malungkot na piyesa. Matagal ko na alam tugtugin to. Pero ngayon ko lang ata nabigyan ng tamang emosyon ‘to. Ngayon ko lang ata na-justify ang tugtog ni Chopin.

Kasi ngayon lang ako nalungkot ng ganito. Yung lungkot na hindi ko alam kung saan nanggagaling. Yung lungkot na nararamdaman ko sa ‘ice cream effect’. Yung lungkot na parang kinukurot ang puso ko. Yung lungkot na gustong paluhain ang mga mata ko.

Hindi ako dapat malungkot sa nakita ko. Tama lang naman yung nakita ko, diba? Walang masama sa ginawa nila o sa mga gagawin nila kasi mahal nila ang isa’t isa.

Hindi ako dapat malungkot. Wala akong karapatang malungkot. WALA!

“That was a beautiful playing. Full of right emotions. But you don’t look alright.” Si Sir Dave pala. Wait, kakapasok niya pa lang kaya paano niya nalaman? Tyaka soundproof ‘tong room.

“Hi sir!” Nag smile ako. Yung ngiting nakakapaniwala sa mga tao na ok lang ako.

“Don’t give me that smile. I know you’re feeling hurt.” Paano naman kaya niya nalaman? 

“How did you know?” Umupo siya sa tabi ko.

“I knew you were feeling hurt because of the way you were playing. You were not looking at your hands. You were staring at the piano. For others, they may interpret it as just normal. But musicians, when they have something bothering them, will usually stare in space while playing. You were slouching. And you played wrong notes. You were not in focus because you were thinking deeply.” Grabe, alam niya yung nararamdaman ko dahil lang sa pagtugtog ko? Pati mali ko alam niya din.

“Sir, you heard my playing? You were outside, right?”

“Yes, I was outside. But I know the piece well. I didn’t have to hear it with my ears. I know it by heart.” Galing. Wala akong masabi.

“So does that mean I should always feel like this to play beautifully?”

“Yes and no. Yes, you should have the right feeling for the piece you’re playing. But you shouldn’t slouch nor be distracted and make mistakes. Just use the emotions to deliver the song beautifully. Just feel and let the people feel it, too. You are good, do you know that? A musician must be able to touch the listeners. I wasn’t able to hear the song but I felt it here *hawak sa heart niya*. What more if you had an audience? Do you understand what I’m saying?” Nag smile siya.

“Yes, sir. Sorry.”

“No, don’t be sorry. I understand that you have issues. Just don’t let the emotions rule you. Use it to be better.”

Use your emotions to be better. Ok, I get it. Ang galing talaga ni sir Dave. Idol ko talaga siya. Hindi lang siya magaling sa technicalities and all. Magaling din siya sa subjectiveness ng pagiging musician. Magaling talaga siya sa pagiging isang musician.

“Thank you for making me feel better, sir. I’ll do what you said.”

“I’m just taking care of you.” Touched naman ako dun. “I’m afraid I have to leave now. See you around. Calix is your teacher until the opening. After that, you’re mine. Alright?”

“Yes, sir.” Tapos umalis na siya. Maswerte talaga ako at siya mismo ang pumili sakin bilang estudyante niya. Siguro yun na lang dapat kong isipin. Kalimutan ko na dapat ang emosyon na ‘to. I mean, gamitin ko na lang dapat sa tama. Hindi na kailangan pang magpadala. Pero pwede kaya yun? Pwede kayang hindi ka masyadong magpadala sa emosyon mo?