𝐋𝐄𝐓 𝐌𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 ★ 𝐓𝐨𝐦 𝐊𝐚𝐮𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐳

36

I looked down at my bowl of yoghurt and swirled my spoon in it. I was literally disgusted by the sight of the food.

I was really hungry and i felt like a could eat a whole bunch of food but the feeling and throwing up that comes afterwards is keeping me away from it.

I started to regret everything. I started to zone out. My head was a mess as always. I couldn't keep it calm.

My thoughts were mixing all together. I couldn't focus on one single of them. I hate it so much.

There was one thought that caught my attention. Suddenly everything went silent and only that thought was there. I seriously don't understand my brain.

Ending it all. I know it's the worst decision you can make but listen. Have you ever been inside in the head of a person with suicidal thoughts? Let me describe my situation to you.

Most of the time i feel pain. It hurts me so much that i need a way to vent it out by hurting myself. And then i feel even physical pain. And then regret everything. So it's all just wake up, feel pain, cry, regret, go to sleep. That's all what my life is about right now. Of course there are times i feel happy and stuff but that's not always. I act happy but I'm not. And my own suffering makes other suffer as well. It makes them upset and guilty for not being albe to help me. But honestly I think there is no one that can help me. If i just commit suicide everything will be over. My suffering would end. Other would be probably upset for a while but they'll get over it after a while and continue their lives.

The decision of ending it all just feels so right.

I snapped back to reality by Tom shaking me and Bill repeating my name. I looked at them but everything was blurry. I was crying and I didn't even know it.

I was so confused at the moment I couldn't say anything. I blinked a few times to see better. They were worried. That's what I'm talking about.

"Ma are you ok?" Tom asked sitting back into his chair. "I-.." I wasn't able to say anything. Everything felt so hard.

Suddenly the known pain appeared in my chest. And the feeling was there. The feeling when you're mentally drained and feel to much pain that you need to vent it somehow. And I couldn't keep it in.

"Excuse me." i said standing up and running to the bathroom. "Lin wait-" they both yelled but I couldn't hear what they said cause i shut the door behind me and locked it.

I couldn't wait any longer. Without hesitating i opened the second drawer and took out a new razor.

I lifted up my pants and took down my socks. The razor immediately made contact with my skin. Its sharp edges were slowly slicing my skin.

I was enjoying every second of it. Blood was slowly running down my ankles. After few more cuts I stopped.

Suddenly I started regretting everything. And here we are again. Felling of regret how lovely.

I wiped the fresh cuts with some toilet paper and threw it out. I took out some fresh bandages from the drawer and wrapped my ankles with them. I was so glad they keep them in every bathroom.

I cleaned everything after me and made sure there are no clues of what happened. I sighed and washed my face with water. I dried it and took a deep breath.
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Tom's pov from when Lin left to the bathroom:

"Lin wait what happened?" both me and Bill yelled after her. She slammed the door behind her. I got up to follow her but Bill took me by the hand to stop me.

"Don't go.." he said. "But why? Bill I'm scared what if she does something stupid." i said furiously.

"Tom sit down and listen." i did as he said. My leg started shaking like crazy. He put his hand over my leg to stop it from shaking.

"If you would go after her and bang on the door and pled her to open them she would get scared. We have to give her some space. I totally understand how you feel Tom. She's just at her lowest point right now and she needs time. You remember when we were in her place?" he said and i nodded slowly.

"You opened up to me and no one forced you. She'll open up to us i know it. We can't force her. That would make her lose trust in us. We need to gain enough of her trust for her to open up to us so then we can help her. But it'll take time and we need to give her that." he sounded so sure in what he's saying.

I hated the fact that he was right. "I understand what you mean. But I'm just so scared that she won't open to us and then it'll be too late Bill. I love her so much just as i do love you." i said clearing my throat.

"I love you too Tom. Don't worry please." he hugged me. His embrace calmed me. He was right but now I didn't hate it i loved it. Everything was going to end well.

I have to focus on gaining her trust to save her. I won't fail again. I felt confident and that's what I needed. I straightened up and smiled at Bill. He smiled back and nodded.

The door opened slowly and she came back. She sat down to her chair and looked at us. She looked happy and it made me worried again but I remember i have to be the strong one now.

"You good?" i asked taking another spoon of my food. "Yeah just period thing and about the zoning out idk what was that my brain just wasn't braining sorry. And don't worry." she said chuckling a little.

Both me and Bill chuckled back. "Alright then." i smiled at her. She smiled back and took her spoon. She scooped a little amount of the yogurt and slowly put it in her mouth.

She kept it in her mouth for a bit and after a while she slowly swallowed it while closing her eyes.

"YES YOU DID IT!" Bill yelled and clapped his hands. She laughed and took another spoon. I leaned to her and whispered "you're doing really good you know? Keep going." and with that i kissed her lips softly.

"Thank you Tommy." she smiled and took another spoon. I know it's really hard to do it because we were at this point once.

After another two spoons she put her bowl away and put her spoon down. "Ok enough for now I'm full." she said while patting her stomach.

"I'm so proud. You did such a big improvement." i gave her a warm smile. "Definitely I'm so happy." added Bill.

"Thank you guys so much. Without you I wouldn't do it. I'll try my best to heal." she smiled and got up to wash her bowl.

"We're here to help anytime." i said and Bill nodded. She smiled thanked and went to the kitchen.

I feel like what she said wasn't really real. I feel like she said it just to comfort us. I don't know.
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Author's note:
I finally got some sort of story line to follow since a pulled this story out of my ass😋

1269 words