Run (Punk Luke Hemmings)

Chapter 72

Song for the chapter: Not Broken Anymore by Blue October

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The next day we go to my mom's house. Louis and Georgia are flying back to England, so of course we wanted to say goodbye to them. Troy continuously tells them that he would like for them to come back soon and I can tell that Louis is completely ignoring him. In fact, his eyes were locked on me the whole time. He walks away from Troy as he is still talking and comes over to me.

"It was great meeting you Allison," he says. I didn't like when people called me Allison, but I didn't mind it coming from him. He opens his mouth to say something else, but closes it and turns to Luke when he reappears from the bathroom. "It was also good to meet you," he says and shakes his hand. "I'm sure we'll be staying in contact," he says wth a wink.

The words sting a little as I remember that there's a possibility of Luke becoming famous. I had to try to remember what he said. 

"I'm not leaving you," I replay the words in my mind. 

We say goodbye to Louis and Georgia for the last time before my mother and Troy leave to take them to the airport. 

"Don't worry about it babe," Luke said. He must have known that Louis' words got to me. 

"I won't," I lie.

We had to go to my father's today, and I wasn't in the least bit excited. Bradley doesn't say much about our dad, but he doesn't act like he doesn't want to go anymore. I have a feeling that he is starting to not mind being around him, which upsets me. He was very young when everything happened, but he still knows the whole story. I guess it's not my decision if he forgives him or not, but I know that I never would. I couldn't.

Luke and I were sitting on the couch while we waited for Bradley to get ready. I felt really tired for some reason and didn't want to do anything but lay with Luke in our bed. 

"Hey," he says and puts his hand on my thigh. I look over at him. "I love you."

The words always put a smile on my face, no matter how many times or when he says them. "I love you Luke, more than yesterday," I say back and lay my head on his shoulder. 

I almost fall asleep until Bradley comes back and is ready to go. I sigh before getting up, taking Luke's hand in mine as we walk to his car.

When we get to his apartment, he is in his usual good mood. We spend most of the time watching sports on T.V. and eating. He made steaks and they were delicious; I still didn't know where he learned to cook. Bradley and my dad had been talking non stop at the dinner table and it was really beginning to anger me. Why was I so mad? Oh yeah, because my father doesn't deserve to even see us, and here he was, making great conversation with his son. He says something and Bradley and him both laugh, angering me even more. I guess that Luke can tell, because he puts his hand on my leg underneath the table. I  continue to eat without saying anything.

"So I hear you have a new apartment now," my father says to me. How and why did he know that? It was none of his business.

"Yep. With Luke," I respond.

"Oh...Don't you think you're both a little young to have an apartment together?" He asks with a nervous laugh.

"In case you didn't know, I'm 18. And why would you even care?" I snap. Luke's grip on my leg becomes slightly tighter, but I am too angry to care.

"Of course I know that, Allison. And I care because you're my daughter," he says sadly.

"That's weird because you haven't cared in the past 14 years," I say calmly.

I can't tell for sure, but it almost looks like he starts to tear up. "Allison...That's not true," he says quietly.

"BULLSHIT!" I yell. "EVERY SINGLE PART OF THAT SENTENCE IS TRUE AND YOU KNOW IT! YOU HAVE NOT CARED ABOUT ME OR BRADLEY FOR YEARS AND PROBABLY NEVER HAVE. IF YOU DID, YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE LEFT!" I am now screaming and standing up, my fists slammed against the table. I feel myself tear up and run away from the table. I couldn't let him see me cry again, couldn't let him see me weak. I don't know where a bathroom or any bedrooms are, so I run straight to the front door. 

As soon as I step outside, the tears pour out of my eyes. I had not expected to blow up like that and felt horrible for doing it in front of Bradley, but I had to get that off of my chest. That wasn't even a quarter of what I could say to my dad, but I couldn't speak to him anymore. 

Seconds later, I hear the door open from behind me and feel arms wrap around my waist. 

"Babe," I hear Luke whisper into my ear. His head is laying on my shoulder. I immediately turn around and he holds me, which is just what I needed. His arms and the warmth that they brought always seemed to make me feel better, but I still couldn't stop crying. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asks quietly. I just shake my head and bury myself deeper into his chest. I was soaking his shirt, but I didn't care and I'm sure he didn't either. 

We stand there for a few minutes and my crying starts to die down. Suddenly the door opens and my father is standing there. His eyes are swollen and red. The sight of him alone makes me sick. I close my eyes and hope that when I open them he will be gone. I am disappointed when I hear his voice. 

"Luke, could you give us a minute please?" He asks. 

I look up at Luke and give him pleading eyes, begging him not to leave me alone with him. He gives me a sad look. "Just listen to what he has to say and then we can leave, okay?" He whispers into my ear. I sigh and nod, wiping my eyes so that it doesn't look too obvious that I was crying. 

He kisses my forehead and walks back inside, my father shuts the door after him. I turn around and refuse to look at him. I didn't want to hear what he had to say, but I didn't want to speak to him either.

He sighs before he begins to speak. "Look, I know that you hate me," his voice is shaky as he talks, "and I know that there is nothing I could ever do to make you forgive me, but I still want to try. I was a horrible person, I did unspeakable things and I know I can never take them back. I was a horrible person, it was a horrible time in my life. I know that's no excuse, but I want you to know that I will do anything to make it up to you and Bradley. I've already lost your mother for good and it breaks my heart, but I know that I deserve it. I don't want to lose my two children too. You guys are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I know it's terrible that it took me all these years to realize that, but I know that it's true now. I know that I've basically already lost you, but I just want you to know that I'm so sorry. You'll always be my little baby girl Allison." I can tell that he is crying now, since he sobs after every sentence. 

The tears come down more and more with each word that he says. I don't want to be crying, I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to believe that maybe he has actually changed. But I can't help it. Deep down inside, something tells me to run back into his arms. Flashbacks of when he actually cared about me flood my thoughts. Helping me pull out my first tooth, making snow forts with me, teaching me how to write. But those visions disappear and different ones replace them; screaming at me and my mother, coming home drunk every single night, hitting my mother. Hitting me. No matter how bad I wanted to forgive him, I couldn't. No matter how bad I wanted to be daddy's little girl again, I couldn't. I never could, he took that away from me. 

I turn around to face his soaking wet face, there was one thing we had in common. "You've already lost me. I could never forgive you for what you've done. You left us, you broke me and mother. Bradley may think about giving you another chance, but I won't. I refuse to. You were only my father until I was four years old. Since then, I haven't had a dad. You broke us, but we learned to pick ourselves up and get through it. I've learned to be strong. Now that I am, I won't let you back into my life just to break me again. I will never be your little girl again." I push past him and walk back into the apartment. Luke and Bradley immediately get up and know that it's time. With that, we leave. We walk past my father, who is frozen where I left him. Bradley quietly says goodbye to him, but I don't even look at him. 

I try to contain myself on the way home so that Bradley doesn't hear me cry. Luke knows this and turns the music up louder to block out my sobs. He reaches over and grabs my hand.

Even his touch could not heal me right now.