Run (Punk Luke Hemmings)

Chapter 43

Song I recommend for the chapter: Blessed With A Curse by Bring Me The Horizon

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Luke's POV

"I love you," I say to Allis as I plant a kiss on her lips.

"I love you. Good luck with Ben," she says back. 

"Thanks babe, I'll be over after." She then gets into Linley's car and I walk to my own.

As I drive home, I try to think of the words that I'm going to say to my brother. I want to say hateful things, to tell him how much I despise him and don't want him near me. But Allis thinks that I should try to make amends. I know that there is no possible way that Ben and I will ever be able to go back to the way we were, back when things were simple and good.

I loved both of my brothers, but Ben and I got along a lot more than Jack and I did. Jack was very reserved and mature. He would stay in his room and read books instead of playing outside with us. We always felt that he was the favorite, the prodigy of the family. On the other hand, us two would cause all kinds of trouble. We loved playing pranks on Jack and other people. We were inseparable, nothing ever came in between us. Until the accident. 

Even though Ben had loved me, he blamed me for everything. He claims that if I hadn't distracted dad, he would've been able to avoid the drunk driver. But he wasn't there, he didn't see how fast the lights were coming at us. I didn't even see them until it was too late.

Ben had hated me after that and even convinced Jack that it was all my fault. Jack moved far away as soon as he could and I never saw him again. Ben, however, loved to come back and make my life hell. He shows up whenever he pleases, usually drunk or high off of some drugs that I didn't want to know about. He comes back to our house and trashes the place before leaving again. We always end up fighting about something and the argument gets violent as he throws shit all over the house, ending up with him storming out to go get more drunk than he already was, which I didn't think was possible.

I wish I could change our relationship, there's nothing more that I want than to have my old brother back, my best friend. But it would never be the same, no matter how hard I tried. But I promised Allis I would at least try, so that' what I was going to do. 

When I arrive at my house, I notice that Ben is gone and hope that he doesn't return drunk like usual. That was like wishing for rain in a desert. I sit in the living room on the couch that I haven't even looked at in years. I stay silent and think of the words to say, waiting for him to show up.

I am startled awake by the sound of a door slamming, I hadn't realized that I fell asleep. I look over at the clock and see that it is 11 P.M. Wow, I had been asleep for a while. 

"What the hell are you doing?" Ben says as he stumbles in from the kitchen. Of course, he was drunk.

"I wanna talk," I say as I look into his dark eyes. 

"I don't want to hear any of your bullshit," he says clearly. He must not be too drunk, usually he is slurring his words.

"Dude, what is your problem?" I demand.

"You are the problem Luke. You're the only problem in this world," he says quietly as he makes his way towards me. As he gets closer, I smell the foul stench of smoke that is coming from his body.

"Me? Take a look at yourself. All you do is smoke and drink and God knows what else, I'm actually going to school so that I can make something of myself unlike you ever did," I spit back.

"Fuck you, you're not going to amount to anything. You're a worthless piece of shit that nobody cares about, especially not me." He is now in my face and I can almost taste the alcohol coming from his breath.

"Actually I'm pretty sure that my band and perfect girlfriend care about me. I'm sorry, do you know what that word means? I assume not since you've never had one, all you do is fuck everything that moves. You don't even know what love is, do you?" I snap, almost yelling.

"You think she loves you?" He laughs in my face. "She doesn't love you, no one does. No one could ever possibly love you, you're incapable of being loved. Tell me, does she know all the things you've done?" A twisted smile appears on his lips.

His words cause my mind to spiral out of control. The memories start to resurface, I try to push them back as much as I can but it doesn't work. You can only push something away for so long.

"Does she know about the drugs? All the vandalism and robbery?"

"Shut up," I whisper.

I am backing away from him, trying to gain back my focus. My head is spinning. I rub my eyes to escape from the visions, but it's no use.

"What about all the people you've hurt?" He is following me, cornering me into a wall.

"Shut up," I say louder this time. 

"But does she know about the biggest crime you've committed?" His face is serious now, all traces of the creepy smile have disappeared. "Surely she doesn't, she wouldn't be with you. Not if she knew..." He trails off.

I felt like screaming out, but nothing would come out. My stomach churns at his words. I felt the need to strangle him before the words could leave his mouth. I was unable to move, frozen with fear of my own past.

"No one would ever love you if they knew that you killed your own parents," he whispers, his face inches from mine.

He said it. The words I had hated so much. The pain was great enough bring tears to my eyes.

"SHUT UP!" I scream. "I DIDN'T KILL THEM, IT WASN'T MY FAULT!"

My throat immediately hurt from how loud I just yelled. My vision was blurry and I couldn't see two feet in front of me. My whole body was trembling, set on fire by his words. All of the anger and pain that I had kept hidden away had returned and taken over my brain. It was enough to block out everything around me: the noise coming from his filthy mouth, the sight of him standing in front of me. I was gone for the moment, lost in my thoughts and the flames that he ignited. That is until the sudden pain pulled me back to reality.

I fell back onto the ground, my right eye was throbbing. I could see clearly again and looked up to find Ben's fist clenched and in the air. My body was no longer under my control. I immediately shot up and attacked him, full force. I tackled him to the ground where I hovered over him and repeatedly punched him. His blood covered my hands and his face within seconds. I couldn't stop, not when his dark eyes were staring right through me. I hit over and over again, feeling the wetness from the thick substance that was now dripping down his face. Each hit made me feel worse, bringing back the visions. I was losing it.

The only thing that allowed me to pull myself away was seeing his eyes no longer open. No longer haunting my brain, sucking the life out of me with every glance. I stood up and backed away from his unconscious body. I felt no guilt, that's what scared me the most. I ran to the bathroom and scrubbed my hands underneath the scolding hot water, not being bothered by the fact that it was turning my hands red from the heat. Even though all of the blood was washed away, I kept scrubbing. I couldn't wash it away, couldn't get his words out of my head. 

I had to step away from the sink and make my way to the toilet as the vomit came up my throat. All I could do was fall onto the ground, wrapping my arms around my knees. The tears came out of nowhere and they came down hard. The sound of my own sobs disgusted me and made me feel weak, but I couldn't stop. The image of Ben's face covered in blood appeared in my mind, along with memories of us racing to the swing set in our backyard. All the times that he protected me from the older kids as they tried to hurt me didn't matter now. In the end, he was the one who broke me the most. The best friend that I had once loved so much was now my biggest enemy.

I snapped myself out of it and thought of the one thing that I needed most right now: Allis. I wiped my mouth and eyes and put some toothpaste in my mouth to get the awful taste out. I quickly ran to my room and packed a bag of clothes and made my way to the door, ignoring the blood-stained carpet.

I had to get out of here.