Run (Punk Luke Hemmings)

Chapter 76

Song for the chapter: Kissing in Cars by Pierce the Veil

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We wake up together on Tuesday morning and I am exhausted. I can tell by the look in his eyes that he is too. 

"You don't have to go to school," I say to him with a small smile. 

"I need to go. I already missed yesterday," he says groggily. I was hoping that he would say we should both stay home and lay in bed all day, but he doesn't.

We get ready quietly and make our way to his car. I had completely forgotten to tell him about my new car, so I take the opportunity when I spot it in the parking lot.

"That's my new car, I got it on Sunday when you were gone," I say quietly.

"It's pretty nice," he says while he squints to look at it. 

The ride to school is too quiet and it's killing me. I just wanted him to tell me that no matter what, it was going to be okay. I wanted him to say anything, but instead we are left in the silence. 

I almost fall asleep in all of my classes today. I am too mentally and physically tired to pay attention, so I keep my head down in every single one. The rest of the boys know what's wrong and try to comfort me throughout the day, but nothing works. Seeing them actually makes everything worse for two reasons. The first being that I really didn't want Luke to go; I wanted him to stay with me and start our life together. This would mean disappointing the boys, and I felt horrible and selfish for having these thoughts. The second reason was that if Luke left, the other three would too. The four most important boys in my life, besides Bradley, would be gone. I wouldn't get to see them everyday, I wouldn't hear their cute laughs or have them here to cheer me up when I am upset about something. I would have almost nothing without them and the thought of that broke my heart. 

I wanted to be happy for them. I wanted them to go out and do what they love, what they've been dreaming of their whole lives. I wanted Luke to be happy, but I wanted him to stay and be happy with me. I had to stop myself from thinking about it multiple times throughout the day. I didn't want to cry in school. 

Lunch was quiet and I hated it. It seemed as the day went on, the more quieter it was. The noise of people talking around me also seemed to fade, leaving me all alone in a world silence. I was absorbed in my thoughts and they were slowly blocking out the rest of the world. 

Linley and I walked to my last class alone. She had told me that she was sad about the news, but that her and Michael were going to try to make it work if they left. 

"It's all going to be okay," she says and hugs me before leaving to go to her class.

But it wasn't. The only thing that could make this okay would be for Luke to stay with me, but I knew that his decision would probably be different. 

The more that I thought about it, the more that I believed that maybe he would stay. Why else would he be so conflicted with his decision? I no longer cared if I felt selfish, I wanted Luke to stay home. I didn't want him to go. Graduation was only a few months away, and I wanted him to be here for that. I want to finish school and actually begin our lives together. We would stay in our apartment until we found a new house in a few years. We would both attend college and do our best to stay together. We would continue to love each other through it all, every single day.

That's what I wanted, isn't that what he wanted too?

When school ends, I meet Luke at my locker and we walk to his car. The ride home is more silent than the ride here, even with Bradley in the car. I felt the tension grow with every second. I had to tell him about wanting to spend my life with him. I had to tell him that I didn't want him to go. I had to give him a reason to stay.