Run (Punk Luke Hemmings)

Chapter 33

As I sit in my room and wait for Luke, I think about what I'm going to yell at him for first. Should it be for spazzing out and leaving me alone the other night? Or for ignoring me for two days and acting like I didn't exist? Or what about how he didn't even tell me that he was coming to my mom's dinner? There were too many to choose from, but I'm sure that when the time came I would be able to pick and spend at least 10 minutes yelling about each topic.

I was wrong. When he walked through my balcony door, I stood up to start my attack, but nothing came out. My mind was blank when I saw him and that's how it went every single time. I hated that he had that effect on me. 

He stood there in front of me, looking innocent and beautiful. God he was beautiful, but he was in no way innocent. Luke was never innocent. He stared down at me and I glared at him, trying to make the words come out of my mouth. He knew I wanted to scream at him, but he also knew that I couldn't do it. Not if he kept looking at me like that. 

"God dammit Luke," I say as I shake my head.

A small smirk spreads across his lips and he bends down to pick me up, bringing his lips to mine in the process. I kiss him back hard, letting my anger and love pour into him. I missed his lips being on mine. Even if it had only been two days, it felt like an eternity. I wrap my legs around his waist tightly and he supports my body with his arms around my back. He carries me over to the bed and gently lays me down onto the pillows. As he situates himself over my body, he doesn't break our kiss once.

We stay like this for what seems like an hour at least, but I know it's not that long. When he finally pulls away, my lips are swollen and begging for more. I fight the urge to take his face in my hands again, I know that we have serious business to take care of.

"That was very nice, but if you're not ready to talk then you might as well leave right now," I say as I look into his piercing blue eyes that see right through me. 

He leans back down and plants a small kiss on my forehead before speaking. "I'm not going anywhere," he whispers.

Relief runs through me and I know that he is willing to give me what I need. He crawls off of me and lays in his usual spot, supporting himself on his elbow so that he can look at me. I turn and face him, scooting a little closer but far enough to where I can stare into his eyes without having to look up. He runs his free hand through his hair and takes his lip ring in between his teeth, a habit I have come to realize that he does when he is nervous. Every single thing he did sent chills through my body and I wondered if he knows what he does to me.

"So first I want to apologize for running out the other night and not staying here, and also for ignoring you..so I'm sorry," he begins. I can tell how much he's matured since I met him, that Luke would never admit his mistakes or even apologize for anything. This is how I knew I could forgive him. "And I'm sorry for not telling you I was coming tonight. I wanted to surprise you but I guess it didn't help since you were still pissed." He is looking down at his fingers that are tracing the patterns on my bedspread. 

"I accept your apologies for those things, and thank you," I say. "But that still doesn't mean I'm not upset that you freaked out when I asked you something."

"That I'm not going to apologize for," he says sternly.

"Excuse me?" I ask.

"God Allis, don't you understand? I hate talking about my past. It was a big step for me to tell you about my parents and I thought that was good enough. I know it was hard for you to talk about your's too, so why can't you just see my point?" He is right, but I also have a point.

"I get that Luke, and I love that you told me about that. But I'm your girlfriend, I have a right to know stuff about you. Especially about your ex-girlfriends. I would tell you about my past relationships if you asked, I don't care. Yeah it was also a bad time in my life, but it's over with. And now I have you and I couldn't be happier, so it doesn't matter to me anymore," I ramble on and hope that I'm making sense to him. I just want him to understand.

His runs his fingers through his hair once again and I know he is frustrated with me. He lets out a long sigh. "You really wanna know?" He asks.

"Please," I whisper.

He sighs again. "I knew Aleisha my whole life. She grew up a few houses down from me and we met through our parents, they were best friends since high school. We always played together when we were kids and we were pretty much each other's only best friend all through school. When my parents died, she was all that I had. Of course we were only 8, but she knew I was sad. She would always let me cry and was the only one that could cheer me up. When I got out of that stage where I thought girls had cooties, I began to develop a crush on her. I had always liked her, I was just confused about my feelings since I didn't know any better. I never knew how she felt about me, I always figured she just thought of me as a friend. 

"In our second to last year before high school, I finally got the courage to tell her that I liked her. To my surprise she felt the same and that was when I asked her to be my girlfriend. We thought we were in love, but we were only 13. By the time that we had gotten halfway through our first year of high school, we realized we were in love. No matter how young we were, I knew how I felt about her. We had been together for two years. I didn't care how young we were, we were living in the moment and I loved her. We went through so much together. The summer before our sophomore year, something in her had changed. I noticed her acting differently towards me, but I didn't know why. I did everything for her and I loved her with all of my heart, but that wasn't enough for her. A couple weeks before school started again, she broke my heart. She told me that she didn't feel the same anymore, that I didn't give her what she wanted. I didn't know how long she had been feeling this way or what changed her mind and I will never know. After she broke up with me, I never saw her again. Her and her parents left the city and nobody has heard from her since. That was the hardest part, not getting another chance to make things right. Not getting to see her face one more time." He takes a long break before speaking again, I can see the water appear in his eyes but he holds them back. 

"It was hard because she was my whole life until that point," he begins again. "My childhood, my best friend, my first love. She was all that I knew. After that, I refused to settle down again. I wouldn't let myself get hurt. After the long depression, I developed my anger problems. You see, when she was around, I forgot about everything else. She took the pain of my parents' loss away, she made me happy when I thought it was impossible to be. I don't like talking about her because it brings back the memories of their death. It brings back tears and bad memories after she left."

When I realize that he's done talking, I don't ask anymore questions. I have a million things that I want to know, but I decide to save it for another time. I felt horrible for him. It made me sick to think of him loving someone else that much, but also to think of him in that much pain. I wanted to do anything to take that away from him, and asking more questions wasn't going to do that. The solution was to hold him and that's exactly what I would do.

I look in his eyes that are filled with sadness and hate. The bright blue that I knew and loved was now a dull grey. I move my hand to his face and gently caress it before scooting closer to him. I wrap my arms around him and hold him as I run my fingers through his soft hair. A tear rolls down my cheek and I'm glad that he can't see it.

Thinking of Luke in that time where he had no one makes me so sad that I could sob into his shoulder for hours. But that wasn't what he needed, he needed me to be here for him. I say nothing, there is nothing to say that could help. I didn't even know what I would say, so I stay silent. 

"Allis?" He asks, his voice shaky.

"Yes?" I try not to let it sound like I was sad, but I couldn't help it.

He hesitates before speaking. "Nevermind," he says. "Just, thank you."

I wanted to tell him that I loved him, God did I want to. But that wasn't something he should hear right now, not after telling me all about his ex-girlfriend that he loved. My heart was in shreds as I held his body that seemed so small. 

I wished that I could know the Luke that was once so tiny and happy. The Luke that was not damaged and afraid. I wanted to be the one that helped him through the pain.

I will spend the rest of my life putting him back together, even if it means tearing myself apart in the process.