𝘯𝘶𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘴 ☼ 𝘳𝘢𝘧𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘰𝘯

𝘴𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘺 𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘦〔 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 〕

𝘈𝘥𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘪𝘥𝘦'𝘴 𝘗𝘖𝘝

As I'm sat in the darkness of my room with the curtains drawn and the door locked shut, I can hear the Pogues in the living room. Shivers run through my body and I shakily pull myself to my feet, grabbing a sweater from a large pile of clothes and pulling it on.

The strong familiar scent of expensive cologne hits me like a truck and my heart aches when I notice that the sweater belongs to Rafe.

Just like that, something inside me snaps and I can't breathe. All the fighting to stay sober, all the reassurance through out my withdrawals, it was all gone. I just can't do it.

Stumbling out of bed, I drop to my knees on the floor and clumsily pry open the loose floorboard that I've been hiding things in since we were all kids. I pull out a dusty jewellery box that once belonged to my mother and lift the lid with shaky hands.

My stomach drops when I find the box to be empty and I drop the wooden box onto the floor, scrambling to my feet. I storm into the living room where the pogues are sat and they look at me in confusion.

"Where are the pills, JJ?" I demand, knowing that it was him who moved them.

"I don't know what you're talking about" He says bluntly.

"Don't fucking lie to me" I spit venomously.

"I didn't touch your fucking drugs, Addy!" JJ yells at me.

"Well, they didn't crawl out from under the floorboards on their own!" I retort in anger "Where are they? Did you hide them in your room?"

In a fit of what I can only describe as a psychotic break, I start storming towards his room and I swing the door open, immediately raiding his room.

"Addy, stop it!" Kiara pleads as the Pogues enter the room behind me.

"Just tell me where you put them!" I scream, tears in my eyes as I chaotically rip the drawers out and tip them upside down onto the floor.

"You're acting insane!" JJ declares.

"Newsflash, little brother" I quip with wide crazed eyes "I am insane!"

Violently scratching at my arm, I move towards the bed and frantically pull the sheets off as JJ lunges forward, grabbing onto my arm.

"Will you calm down?" He stresses.

"Let go of me!" I cry out, thrashing around wildly.

"You're going to hurt yourself" He warns me in concern.

"I don't care!" I shriek.

The boy wraps his arms around me tightly and I struggle against him defiantly, hitting his arms with loud screams.

"I moved the drugs!" Pope announces.

We all still in surprise and I look over at Pope who is cradling a crying Kiara in his arms.

"You what?" I croak in disbelief.

"I took the drugs and I flushed them" Pope admits.

My heart drops and my knees buckle as I feel myself deflate completely, my manic state now fizzling out into a hopeless depression. I sob loudly, clinging onto JJ who holds me tightly and strokes my hair. Regret and guilt start creeping in, like they always do after I do something in a bad state of mind.