the hated child

chapter five

Mistake and Ronald McDonald walked into the large (and definitely not shady) building.

"WOW!" Mistake said because she was too amazed to speak fancy. "THIS BUILDING IS EVEN BIGGER THAN MY DICK!"

"Ew, shut up loser," Ronald McDonald snapped. "Everything is bigger than your dick. It's literally not even 1000 inches³. Even an ant is longer than that!"

"Er... dearest Ronald McDonald, I believe you perhaps must learn a bit more about animals," Mistake corrected her. "Ants are typically one-point-five millimetres to thirteen millimetres long, according to my calculations. Quite definitely not simply a fact on the search engine Google I memorized when I had an obsession with ants..."

"Don't talk about your ant kink again..."

"Pardon me," Mistake huffed. "I most certainly do not have an ant kink! My obsession with ants is classified as a fetish!"

"Ms. McDonald and Ms. Big Mistake, please don't stand in the middle of the hallway to talk about your 'ant kink'" scolded the principal, Ms. Gacha.

"IT'S A FETISH!" yelled Mistake. All of the students passing by stared at Mistake.

"Either way, please head back to the office to receive your schedule and your dorm key."

"Ooh, okay Ms. Gacha!!!" Ronald McDonald said, somehow mispronouncing that very simple name.

She turned to a random person who was just walking by and started squealing. "I'm 100% gonna be roommates with the HOTTEST ALPHA BAD BOY AT SCHOOL!1!!!1!!111!!! Hot and rich people stick with hot and rich people, obvi."

This random person crossed her arms. "NO, you stuck-up meanie!!! He's going to be MY roommate!!!! We're meant to be!!!! I'm an omega and he's an alpha <3"

"I hope you both have been informed that you are unable to pick your roommates," Mistake said. "Adding on, who even is this 'hot alpha bad boy'?"


A mysterious figure appears behind them, "You were talking about me, babygorl?" it said in a husky and low and dangerous voice.

"May I inquire your name?" asked Mistake.

"I'm Shed Eeeeeeeeeeran, with 10 E's including the big one. If you were talking about my EXTRA big one, I'd say 25 inches."

"EXTRA BIG WHAT? YOUR EXTRA BIG STACK OF MONEY OR YOUR EXTRA BIG FAME IF YOU WERE TO MEASURE IT?!" asked Ronald McDonald calmly, with literal burning stars in her eyes. She admired Shed Eeeeeeeeeeran.

"There's an EXTRA big E in my name, but it's too big to fit in the frame so everyone just ignores it. 1 kiss = 1 time someone recognizes the E as an E."

"I'll give you plenty of kisses, billions!" the random girl who was still there said dreamily.

"Do you own the Hershey's factory??" Shed Eeeeeeeeeeran asked with disco ball eyes.

The random girl looked a bit confused. "No, ew, who likes Hershey's??? My family owns its biggest competitors, Nestle and Mars Bar."

"I dislike you," he said. It echoed throughout the whole school. The random girl cried and ran away.

"I OWN MCDONALD'S!" Ronald McDonald yelled. "I named the whole company after myself because I'm really cool!!!!!!!"

Shed Eeeeeeeeeeran frowned. "I don't like McDonald's," he said. "I much preferred that knockoff, or competitor, McYeehaw's. Until it mysteriously closed :(."

Mistake's eyes widened. Shed Eeeeeeeeeeran preferred my fast-food company???? Does he happen to be a grandfather?? It seemed to me that only elderly people liked McYeehaw's. I quite definitely would have noticed if this absolute hOtTiE was eating there!

"Gasp! Could that be..." Shed Eeeeeeeeeeran examined Mistake's pyjama button, "the last infinity stone?!""Uhhh... perhaps?""Ma'am... I think I love you!"