the hated child

chapter eleven

Mistake walked into her first-period classroom, looking traumatized.

"Is that what push-ups are for..." mumbled Mistake, shaken, while staring into the abyss.

"Hey, babygorl," said WhiteBoy while trying his best to be an alpha male, flexing his non-existent muscles.

"Imagine trying to be an alpha, sigmas are where it's at!" stated Shed Eeeeeeeeeeran. "Yeah bro, who needs to impress others and take care of low-value women? Sigma Nation taught me that!!"

Mistake rolled her eyes. "Sigma, alpha, whatever. I didn't show up to class to obtain knowledge on where you stand on the omegaverse hierarchy."

"Just read smut!" laughed a random classmate in the crowd.

"I have already watched... tremendously scarring videos on YouTube."

"WHAT KIND OF VIDEOS" screamed both WhiteBoy and Shed Eeeeeeeeeeran.

"Well—" Mistake started, but she was interrupted by shrieking.

"EWWW!!" Ronald McDonald shrieked. "DO I SEE THE MISTAKE TALKING TO WHITEBOY, MY CRUSH AND MY EX-CRUSH??"

"Ew, why do I have your crusty musty dusty butt crushing on me?" said WhiteBoy while retching.

Ronald McDonald gasped and put a hand to her heart. "How dare you?"

WhiteBoy grimaced. "Bbgorl, have you seen your outfit? You're clowning so hard. You look as if Ed Sheeran had turned to drugs and then had a baby with Sid the Sloth and that baby also turned to drugs."

Shed Eeeeeeeeeeran put his hand to his heart. "Pardon me! You dare insult Ed Sheeran, my idol, the person I look up to, and my daddy?"

"Umm, Shed... That's kinda sus..." said the one, the only, Ron Weasley, Rumplestiltskin, Dream, cringe asf ginger *barf* Ed Sheeran as he popped out from under the desk.

"ED SHEERAN?" Everyone gasped at the same time.

"Yes, I'm here, I'm a student too yknow," Ed Sheeran said.

"Aren't you like 32..." asked Mistake.

"Well yeah, but I'm still a student! God, the ageism..." Ed Sheeran grumbled.

"Did you just fail school 231928301283 times..."

"Possibly..."

"You did! I knew it! The rumours were true!" Mistake shouted, pointing at Ed Sheeran.

Ed Sheeran frowned. "What rumours? I didn't even know that you knew I existed..."

Shed Eeeeeeeeeeran screamed, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'DIDN'T KNOW YOU EXISTED'?! YOU'RE MY IDOL! MY INSPIRATION! MY HOPE! MY DREAMS! MY DADDY! AND MY NAMESAKE!"

...

The room was silent.

"Can I file a restraining order against this... cringey teenager thing?" Ed Sheeran said, fearing for his life. And also fearing Shed Eeeeeeeeeeran.

"Why would you want to?" Simon Cowell asked, walking into the room.

"M-MR. SIMON! WE WEREN'T HAVING CONVERSATIONS IN CLASS HAHAHA..." WhiteBoy Overrated said nervously.

Simon's eyes narrowed at Ronald McDonald. "I heard your voice from all the way in the washroom, and you have a very annoying voice! Exactly what I'm looking for! You should audition for America's Got Talent!" He looked at Mistake. "And you, young lady, you look ugly enough to be a spectacle! A hit with the audience! It's the sob story of the century—no, dare I say, the MILLENIUM!"

"Is that a compliment...?" asked Mistake.

"Not at all!" Simon responded, a huge smile on his face. "But you'd likely make it long enough for me to get paid!!! YIPPEEEEE"

"YEAH MISTAKE! IT'S A WIN-WIN SITUATION! HE PROFITS FROM YOUR HIDEOUS FACE AND YOU GET TO SHOW THE WORLD HOW HIDEOUS YOUR FACE IS!" screamed WhiteBoy.

"WHAT HE SAID!!" Ronald McDonald added. "MISTAKE! HUDDLE IN."

Mistake walked 2 steps over.

"Mistake, this could super duper duper duper super help our family! We'll really benefit from this exposure! You can be in the Guinness world record for ugliest face! And I can be known as "Sister of the Girl with the Ugliest Face" I can already see my name in the stars..."

"Me? Overtaking you as the Guinness World Records ugliest person?"

Ronald McDonald's jaw dropped to the ground. "Excuse me," she said, insulted, "I'm not the ugliest person! Have you seen these lips? They're so naturally juicy and plump, everyone loves them!! 💕"

Ronald McDonald turned around to quickly use a lip plumper.

Mistake saw her and said, "Your lips are so thin, they're thinner than my dick. My dear sister, Ronald McDonald, I cannot believe that you struggle this much with simply faking plump, juicy lips."

"Ex-squeeze me, your name is literally MISTAKE. I don't think I'm the loser here," Ronald McDonald huffed.

"Dear sister, please tell me this: when did I ever insinuate that there's a loser and winner here?"

"You incinerated it when you beat me in a game of tic tac toes when we were in the womb." Ronald McDonald smiled confidently, knowing her answer was objectively correct.

"I..." Mistake grimaced at Ronald McDonald's shitty grammar. "Incinerated is not the correct word to use in this context. I didn't burn you in the womb, although I would have if I'd known you'd turn out like... this." She gestured to Ronald's lipgloss.

"And she burnt you in the game!!!" exclaimed WhiteBoy. "That's insane! Who knew Ronald McDonald knew what TicTacToe is?! Time to make a TikTok!!" 

"Is it another cringey POV thirst trap video...?" asked Mistake.

...

"Yes."