the hated child

chapter fifty-nine

Previously...


"DAD! Stop lying, we all know you join those Roblox Condo and e-dating games... Don't even try." Mistake rolled her eyes and grabbed the phone.

"HEY! I STILL NEED TO CHANGE MY AVATAR!!!! I NEED TO LOOK PRESENTABLE TO THE CHILDREN."

"EWWWW!! Wait... What's your avatar right now?" Mistake asked, not sure if she wanted to know the answer to that.

Before her father could reply, ROBLOX finished loading.

"..."


Present Time...

"Dad..."

"I'm sorry Mistake, you don't have to continue to look..."

"Why're you dressed up as a maid catboy... I know your name is MAID but like... the king has to have SOME self-respect right?"

"I DO, JUST... Just don't look at the f-face..."

"Dad... Is that an anime girl tongue out eyes up face..."

Granny Cwoisaint jumped. "OH MY! WHAT AN OBSCENE IMAGE!! THAT IT. I'M OUT OF HERE."

"Dear Father," Mistake said, "What the fuck."

"I'M SORRY! I'LL GO CHANGE IT NOW."

Mr. MAID rushed to the avatar creator, clicking on a premade outfit.

"Is this any better?"

"Dad... You're just a slender now, aka, an online dater."

"What... I thought a slender is slenderman? Back in my day-"

Mistake cut him off. "EWWWW, what time are we in? June tenth, two thousand and NINE?????"

"Honestly, I don't know how I was king and you weren't. You seem so much more knowledgeable!"

Mistake flared her nostrils. "IT'S BECAUSE I WAS A CHILD, DUH."

"You were?"

"OBVIOUSLY!!! I WAS FRESH OUT OF THE WOMB WHEN YOU DIED. HOW WOULD I HAVE BEEN OLD ENOUGH TO RUN AN ENTIRE KINGDOM??"

"Well, Shapur II became the king of the Neo-Persian Empire before he was BORN."

"Honestly, I'm surprised you weren't killed SOONER!"

"I was killed? But everyone LOVED me!!"

"Well... BARBARA was found with a bloody knife and YOU were found with many STABBINGS. Just put 2 and 2 together. Even something with the lowest brain power, a ZYGOTE, could figure that out."

His face reddened. "Barbara. BARBARA KILLED ME??"

Mr. MAID immediately logged onto 2 player evolution tycoon.

"Uhhh dad, calm down! You're supposed to be FINDING trolls, not trolling."

"I... I just have to get rid of all this ANGER!!"

Mr. Maid THREW his phone onto the ground, shattering the screen.

"NOOOOOOOO!!" Mistake yelled. "THAT WAS OUR ONLY CHANCE!!! AND YOU RUINED IT WITH YOUR STUPID IPAD BABY INSTINCTS!!!!"

Granny Cwoisaint rushed into the room. "ARE YOU LITTLE TEENSY WEENSY AND FRAIL LITTLE LADS ALRIGHT?? I HEARD A STRANGE AND SUSPICIOUS AND ODD NOISE COMING FROM OVER HERE!!! OH MY!!!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT CELLULAR DEVICE, I BELIEVE IT'S CALLED A SMART. PHONE.?? ITS GLASS HAS SHATTERED AND THOSE PARTICLES HAVE TRAVELLED ALL OVER!!!!!"

"We're ok," Mistake lied smoothly. "We simply, er, um, uhhhhhhhhh..."

"What?"

Mr. MAID puffed smoke out of his cheeks and ears.

"Sir king, would you like some tea to calm down? It'll definitely soothe you. Nothing like filling your stomach with some piping hot and comforting tea!!!"

"EWWWWW, lady, are you... *retch* BRITISH???" Mr. MAID shouted.

"Great heavens, such profane language. However, indeed I am. I reign superiority over you."

"What does that mean?"

"I'm the Queen!"

Mistake butted in, "and colonization. Also, I can tell that you're lying. You don't even know that the Queen DIED! Because ack - tew - all - ee 🤓, King Charles III is the REAL ruler of the United Kingdom."

"Well the king of Gacha ALSO died, everyone has their own situations!"

"I died?" Mr. MAID pondered that statement, "WAIT! MISTAKE COME HERE."

Mr. MAID pulled in his daughter for a small whispering session.

"This seems fake."

"But dad... you ARE dead."

"Sfpsfspsfspwhisperingnoises Yea but, I think SHE'S the troll we need to find! Swispswispwips"

"Whatever do you mean?" Mistake asked.

"Pwsowpmxpswpspwspwsf Firstly, she insistently insisted that you and David should get married! Even when you said no, she didn't listen. That sounds like a troll activity to me!! Fwpspwspfpfpwspfwpps"

"Hmmmmm..."

Granny Cwoisaint sat there, watching the 2 whisper to each other. Her eyes darted around the room as she began to sweat.

"Wspopsfwppfspwfsp Also, she implied that a proper lady wouldn't eat raw ground beef! Trolling is when you go AGAINST the norm. This means that she is such a troll!! Pswpdspfpwspfwfpapwfaspsefps"

"Ahhh..."

"Swpopsfwpsspwfapspwfpspsef AND, she's British! Britain is the BIGGEST troll because they're BRITISH!!!! Fpspwpswpfwspwfpspwfp"

Mistake nodded sagely. "That does make sense."

"Spwpsfepswpspwpspfpsfwfpwfw Exactly! Spwfpfwsswsfwfpswf"

They stopped whispering and turned back to Granny Cwoisaint.

"Granny, are you the troll?"