the hated child

chapter fifty-five

"We can do my FAVOURITE activity!"

"What's that papa?"

He grinned.

"Well Mistake, papa's favourite activity is... extorting small businesses!"

"YAYYYYY!!!!" Mistake cheered. "EXTORTING SMALL BUSINESSES!!!!"

"Let's go to that bakery down Crumpet Rd. That old grandma needs an early retirement, and a little less from her retirement funds..."

The father and daughter duo naruto ran to the shop. They jumped through the window of the shop, shocking everyone inside.

"MY WINDOW!!! WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING??" screamed Granny Cwoisaint.

"EXTORTING YOUR SMALL BUSINESS!!!!" cheered Mistake.

"YEA! WE'RE GONNA SLASH YOUR TIRES IF YOU DON'T GIVE US $25,000 RIGHT NOW!"

"BUT, I don't have a car..."

"OH UM... WE'RE GONNA UHHH... MISTAKE! THINK OF SOMETHING!!"

"I'll make you recreate the Bee movie with ants."

"What's the Bee movie?" Granny Cwoisaint asked.

"MISTAKE! SHE'S TOO OLD TO UNDERSTAND SUCH YOUNG AND HIP REFERENCES!!"

Granny Cwoisaint gasped. "ME?? OLD??? HOW DARE YOU. DON'T YOU SEE THIS YOUNG, JUICY, BOUNCY, PLUMP, AND WRINKLESS SKIN??"

Mistake massaged her temples. "Oh no... We've got another David on our hands."

"My son?"

"WHAT?"

"The KFC guy right? Kind of a cosplayer, 69 years and 420 days old, chuckles like an old man, etc. Am I correct?"

"O-oh um... Greetings, madam..." Mistake slowly got onto her knees and started bowing. "I hadn't realised we were in the presence of such an INSPIRATIONAL person."

Mr. Maid pulled Mistake aside. "HEY. We're supposed to be ROBBING her ok? So, stop trying to create relationships and being all good! We're only here to fill your hole."

"But dad, she's my friend's mom!!"

"You have friends? WAIT. IS IT YOUR BOYFRIEND?!?!?!" He began to smirk and wiggle his eyebrows.

"NO!!!! I DON'T LIKE HIM LIKE THAT I SWEAR!!!"

"Sorry dears, I can't help but eavesdrop. Did you say that this young lady is my DAUGHTER-IN-LAW?!?!?!" Granny Cwoisaint picked up Mistake and hugged her, crushing all of her bones,

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Mistake wailed like a baby.

"AWWWW!!! SHE'S ADORABLE!!!"

"Well ma'am, I guess this is a bit of an in-law meet up!"

"I guess so!" she laughed.

Mistake's dad's face hardened. "Tell me how much money you have."

"Oh, dearie me! Is that the king??" Granny Cwoisaint walked over to Mr. Maid and pinching his face, acting like your aunts whenever you go to a family event. "You are ADORABLE!"

"Indeed! I am the almighty king that EVERYONE in the kingdom loves and adores!!"

Mistake squinted at him. "Don't you mean you were the king?"

"AHEM! Ignore my child, Mistake, she's... a bit confused. I am the king. Currently."

"Oh my... Being married into the royal family!! My dear David finally did something good with his life!!!"

"WAIT!! David is an epic fairy princess, doesn't that mean he's already royalty?"

"WHAT??? That's even worse than I thought... oh dear oh no I need to sit down..." Granny Cwoisaint sat down on the ground.

"Well you see, my dear Mistake is an ultra legendary super amazing mega rare never seen before long lost hybrid dragon demon wolf snake angel princess!!! That means their children have an EXTREMELY high chance of being ultra legendary super amazing mega rare and never seen before!"

"Yea but... 2 princesses marrying each other... I'm extremely homophobic..."

("BOOOOOOOO," said everyone in the world.)

Mistake interrupted, "Ummm... I just don't want to marry David. He's just not my type!"

"Shut up Mistake. I'm trying to form an alliance between 2 kingdoms right now."

Mistake felt small next to her father. (She's only 1.5 inches)

"Kingdom? My dear David runs a kingdom??"

"Well didn't Mistake just say he was a princess?? Don't princesses have kingdoms?"

"Yes, but... I wasn't aware of it!" Granny Cwoisaint said.

"Ugh, how much longer must we be here for? I wanna fill my hole!"

"I keep hearing you guys talking about 'filling holes', what's that about?"

"Well..." Mistake's father looked at Mistake. "Mistake here is looking for an answer to the universe."

"I'm — I'm actually looking for the person who spread the (true) rumour that I turned evil."

"Ok, whatever, that." Mistake's dad turned back to Granny Cwoisaint. "So, Mistake here needs to find whoever spilled her secret. To find them, she needs to first fill her heart hole, so to speak, which means that we need to find something good that will make her feel happy."

"Oh! Well you know what always makes me happy, filling my other hole!"

Granny Cwoisaint ran to the kitchen and walked out with some freshly baked croissants. "Bone apple teeth!!!"

"Good idea! I was feeling hungry... Come on Mistake, eat up!"

"No."

"I BEG YOUR PARDON?"

Mr. Maid was FUMING. SMOKE was coming out of his EARS and his FACE was RED with ANGER. "YEA, MISTAKE?? I'VE NEVER SEEN SOMEONE REJECT CURLY FRENCH BREAD!!"

"Calm down, sir. Maybe she just prefers other things!" the baker said, straining a smile.

She ran back into the kitchen and came out with some 1 minute old coconut macaroons.

"Dig in, Mistake!" Mr. Maid and Granny Cwoisaint chorused.

"NO!" Mistake stomped her foot, causing the coconut macaroons to disappear into thin air.

"AHHHH! THOSE TOOK ME HOURS AND DAYS TO MAKE..."

"MISTAKE. STOP RUINING THIS FOR ME. I'LL SHOW YOU A SLEIGH RIDE YOU WON'T FORGET." Mr. Maid cracked his whip.

"It's... ok. I'll just make something else... No need to resort to violence!" she grinned, then mumbled, "Unless it's needed."

Granny Cwoisaint trudged to the kitchen and crawled out with 8 pounds of raw ground beef.

"Here you go!" She dropped the meat onto the table Mr. Maid and Mistake were at.

"EWWWWWWWW!!!!! What's THIS for??" Mistake said, poking the ground beef.

"It's for eating! Here comes the airplane Mistake!"

Mistake SHATTERED her dad's arm, which caused the raw meat to go FLYING!!!!

"AHHHHH!" Mistake screamed, catching the salmonella monsters with her mouth.

"YUMMY!" she cheered, overjoyed. She jumped for joy and devoured the meat mountain.

The baker was stunned. "Uhm dear! I think it's best if you don't eat that..."

"BUT I LOVE EATING M-M-MEAT!!!!!" Mistake cried.

"But child... You're going to get sam and ella!"

Mistake's heart felt warm and cozy. "Papa! My heart feels really warm and cozy! It's been a while since I've felt warm and cozy... This warm and cozy feeling is really interesting!! Have you ever felt warm and cozy papa? I want you to feel warm and cozy papa. Like how my heart feels warm and cozy!"

"THAT'S IT! THAT'S YOUR HOLE! Also, why'd you say warm and cosy so many times...??"

"I just... Don't know how to describe this warm and cozy feeling... The warm and cozy feeling is really messing with my warm and cozy brain! I can't think because I'm too warm and cozy..."

"Would you guys care for some lemonade? I heard that lemon water with sugar is also warm and cozy!"

Mistake's creator side eyed her. "Who says that..."

"WAIT!" Mistake exclaimed, "I THINK THIS RAW, SQUISHY, AND RED GROUND BEEF IS MY LEMONADE!!"

"AHHH! MISTAKE, YOU DID IT!!!" Mr. Maid picked up his daughter and spun her around.

"You want me to put meat in your hole?? How does one DO that??"

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. SHUT UP AND LET ME AND MISTAKE HAVE A FATHER DAUGHTER MOMENT!"