the hated child

chapter six

Mistake almost fainted from the shock and the sudden rush of emotions. Her face flushed, her almond-raven-hazel-grey-amber-violet-crow-leaf-like-majestic-ocean-blue orbs went wide, and she looked downwards. "Th-th-thank y-y-y-you," she stuttered with her arms wrapped around her body.

"Haha babygorl, I should be the one thanking you. I think our meeting is fate, a dream come true!" Shed Eeeeeeeeeeran said.

"And how is that?" Ronald McDonald asked while pushing Mistake to the side. "Mistake is a mistake!! I'm so much prettier!! Mistake's boring red-brown-blonde-black hair is so boring!"

Shed Eeeeeeeeeeran replied, "Well, you kinda look like a 4-year-old snuck into their mother's drawers and stole the neon-hot-disco-ball-more-eye-burning-than-the-sun pink lip gloss. I also think Mistake could pull it off better than you because she slays in everything, like look at her sack! Not as big as mine but still big!!!1!"

"M-m-m-my sack?~"

"Why, your potato sack dress, of course! What else would I be talking about, my-"

A random person walking by (not the principal) yelled "YOUR BALLS, YOUR BIG BALLS!"

Shed Eeeeeeeeeeran frowned. "Big? Who says they're big??? My balls are the same size as ants. They're still bigger than Ms. Gacha's brain."

Ronald McDonald quickly dashed away. She needed someone with a big dick, like a 20-inch dick dack. *intense TikTok dancing*

"Shed Eeeeeeeeeeran, my interest happens to be piqued; what is your explanation for liking me more than you like my dearest sister? Your attention is quite possibly the most positive attention I have ever had in my 3 years of life. A fair warning: I happen to not deal very well with positive attention. There is approximately an 81 point 4 percent chance that I shall vomit into a large jar and hide it underneath your sleeping surface located inside of your resting chambers," Mistake said, finally gaining the ability to speak in front of her new crush without stuttering.

Shed Eeeeeeeeeeran stared at Mistake, looking concerned. "Why are you speaking so fancy?"

Mistake smiled, thinking he was in awe of her. "Because, dearest Shed Eeeeeeeeeeran, I read a dictionary several days ago! It gifted me with a talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show-stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely not ever been done before, unafraid to reference or not reference, put it in a blender vocabulary!!!"

Shed Eeeeeeeeeeran hummed in acknowledgement like a nightingale. "Hmmmm. What's the fanciest word you know?"

"Cock."

"Pardon me??"

"A doodle dooooooo"

"Ohh... ahahaha Mistake. You're so funny." Shed Eeeeeeeeeeran said with a face straighter than the name John Smith. (sorry to any John Smiths out there)

"Thank you, Shed Eeeeeeeeeeran!!"

"You know, Mistake, I think I'd like you even better if you dropped this ridiculous vocabulary of yours. I don't like it when women are better than me."

Mistake was about to say something when Ronald McDonald came back with a group of mean girls (and a boyfriend).

"Hi, Mistake," they chorused.

Ronald McDonald smiled. "This is my hot rich popular alpha male werewolf vampire boyfriend, John Smith. He's not as rich as Shed Eeeeeeeeeeran but he'll do. He's so hot and handsome!!! As hot as my lipgloss!!!"

Mistake looked at the boy next to her sister and winced. "Dearest Ronald McDonald... he is indeed very hot and handsome... if one's eyes are closed."

"Well you should open up yours and see that Shed Eeeeeeeeeeran is mINE!11! RICH AND POPULAR PEOPLE BELONG WITH RICH AND POPULAR PEOPLE" Ronald McDonald said.

"What about intelligent people?" Mistake asked. "Surely it's important to be extremely intelligent as well!"

"Babygirl, I am extremely smart!" John Smith said, offended. "I can speak Old English! Thou art dumb!!"

Mistake laughed. "You're as smart as a single-cell organism! You happen to be speaking Early Modern English! Old English is quite different. It sounds like this: Sê ðâ ðe ealdian Englisc."

"W-well.. You're st-stupy!! ;-; OnO :(("

"Wtf is that?" Ronald Mcdonald asked in confusion.

"This is Old English," Mistake said. "I do understand quite well that it does not register in your pea brain as English, and that is because it isn't even close to modern English! It is also called 'Anglo-Saxon' and it is the earliest recorded version of the English language! It was spoken in England and parts of Scotland in the early Middle Ages!"

"There isn't even Old English in that stupid dictionary you read, how could you even learn it?"

"Dearest Ronald McDonald, the answer to this puzzle is quite frankly simple. I have a deep and complex understanding of everything in the known universe!"

Ms. Gacha walked by again. "Hey, didn't I ask you to receive your schedule and dorm keys? Please go do that or else I will have to expel you."

"B-but Ms. Gacha, make me roommates with the hottest and richest guy in this school!"

Pulls stacks of money from her bra.

"No."