the hated child

chapter seventy

Accident carried Mr. MAID to the alleyway behind Cool School with only his pinky toe.

"HEY! LET ME DOWN! I'M THE KING YOU KNOW, I COULD GET YOU EXECUTED FOR THIS!!" Mr. MAID shouted, kicking his arms and waving his legs in the air.

"Stop struggling. You're gonna fall into this random and suspicious puddle of acid that's right below us."

Mr. MAID immediately stopped wiggling and grabbed onto Accident's torso with all 8 of his limbs.

"aAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Accident whispered quietly, "I LITERALLY JUST SAID STOP STRUGGLING, ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US KILLED???"

Mr. MAID immediately lay still. "Yes. I'm already dead so it doesn't matter!"

"BUT I'M NOT," Accident whispered calmly.

"Yea but who cares about you?" Mr. MAID shouted, even calmer.

"MISTAKE DOES! MISTAKE LIKES ME MORE THAN YOU!!!!!"

"WELL... WELL... WELL... UH... HOW DO YOU KNOW?"

Accident threw his head back and laughed, "She told me herself! She said that you were a sad excuse of a father and that she wished that I, the magnificent Accident, was her father instead!"

"She did not. You 2 didn't even have the opportunity to talk to each other, I WAS WITH YOU GUYS THE ENTIRE TIME! I WOULD'VE HEARD YOU."

"Well, who was the one skipping down the road singing? There would've been plenty of time for a small conversation then."

Mr. MAID's eyeballs exited his skull and darted around nervously. "U-uhm... WELL SHE'S JUST A MOODY TEENAGER!!! THEY DO THOSE THINGS ALL THE TIME. HATING PARENTS IS LIKE A NEW TREND OR SOMETHING..."

"Are you sure?"

Mr. MAID bared his teeth. "Positive."

"Alright then! Discussion over, and so is your free ride!"

"Woah... Where are we? Is this where the lower class live?"

"This is just the back of the school, we haven't reached the alleyway yet because I can't seem to be able to find it..."

"What if it's behind that really suspiciously placed boulder?"

"That could just be a really weird decoration though... Or damage control for your crazy daughter- I mean my amazing talent."

"But it's ugly. This is supposed to be a school for elites, they would have enough money to buy a cool fountain or mural. Why would they buy a hideous giant rock?

"Sigh. You might've been a king, but your tastes sure aren't refined. Any person who has frequented museums would know that this IS art."

"Oh... of course! Did I not say that before? It's amazing!"

"Go on, taste it! Any art connoisseur would be able to tell the exact time period and composition of this fine artifact!"

"Um... ok..." Mr. MAID leapt out of Accident's arms and licked the rock. "It's... it was made on April 20 (4/20), 69 CE (AD for the Christians). It's composed of... rock."

"Ahhh... So I see you're new to the world of stones! You couldn't determine how many fingerprints were on the rock, what types of soil it has rolled on, and its exact weight."

"W-well... You couldn't either!"

"That's because I haven't tried yet!"

Accident smacked his lips and slathered his tongue all over the boulder. He clapped his hands together as he turned to face Mr. MAID. "So, you were incorrect. This rock was, in fact, created over a period of time, not on one singular day. The beginnings of it began on the 31st of February 4599997976 BCE, at approximately 8:90 in the morning. Obviously. Its original creation ended on the 32nd of March, 0 BCE. There are approximately five million, three hundred and eight thousand, one hundred and eighty fingerprints on it, and it has rolled on ten different types of soil. Its exact weight is 450 lbs."

Mr. MAID blushed. "Heh... We must've licked different parts of the rock then! Let me lick yours too!" He stuck out his tongue and waved it around the rock-hard cock- I mean rock. "Oh yes... I see it now! I can definitely see it now! Aha! We fine men have such refined tastes!"

"So you were able to see my 1 error too, right?"

"E-error? OF COURSE I WAS!! AHAHAH!!!!! I thought you were playing tricks on me before and I just went with it! I didn't want to feel embarrassed by your mistakes!"

"Then what was my mistake? Can you help me correct it?"

"Absolutely! I, the mighty king, can determine and correct your miscalculations... I just need to... I NEED TO CALL MY GEOLOGIST!! Yes, they'll be able to tell you the most precise information that even your tongue can't uncover!"

Accident slammed Mr. MAID into the boulder. "I didn't ask for a geologist to do it, I already know that they can tell me about rocks. But can you? Also there are now approximately five million, three hundred and eight thousand, one hundred eighty five finger prints on the boulder now."

Mr. MAID blushed even harder. "T-the king demands personal space and for his loyal subject to stop belittling him... He wants to stop tasting rocks and continue the journey to the alleyway!"

"Wow... You were so intimidated that you had to switch to 3rd person."

"Yeah, and?"

Accident raised his hands and slowly backed away. "Sure... Let's go find that dumb alleyway."

"Wait, why do we even need this alleyway?"

"It holds something very powerful, it'll definitely be helpful in the future for Mistake. Her rule will become effortless and she'll never have to stress about anything!"

Suddenly, a shiny red lever next to the boulder switched downwards.