LOVING TWO

Chapter Twelve: Me Myself & I

Throughout the night I felt awful and I couldn't even sleep. I wanted to run after Jake right when I was done saying what I said. Though I knew it was for the best. How could I be committed to one guy when my mind and body were desperately wanting another. I couldn't do this to Jake any longer I knew deep down he felt things shift in a different direction between us. He just didn't want to accept it nevertheless address it out loud. The breakup didn't necessarily mean I was pushing Jake out of my life for good. I just couldn't be unfair to him or me for that matter.

Deep down I knew I didn't want Jake out of my life. Although I knew better that it was impossible for us to be friends. Strong feelings like the ones I held for him didn't disappear over night. I'm not quite sure I'll ever get over it. After all he did play a big part in my life. Until James came crashing into it like an ocean wave completely messing things up for me. I didn't even see him coming. Things just happened so unexpectedly. He was irresistibly hot and charming not to mention his kisses and the way he touched me. He provoked fascinating chills all over my body.

What started out as passion and desire soon turned into deep feelings. I not only yearned for his touch anymore. I also wanted his presence near me. I didn't realize I felt that towards James until that night we both shared at the park. The way he opened up to me caught me by surprise. I thought he was just a tough bad-ass that loved to get into trouble and had smart remarks about everything. Underneath it all there was this thoughtful kind soul that actually cared even if he was afraid to show it. He wasn't as bad as people described him or as tough as he played out to be. His mom had been right all along.

Maybe all he needed was rescue. Someone to show him honest sweet love. Maybe all he needed was me. I couldn't have been more wrong to think this way. How could I of all people be the right person for James. When my heart was clearly divided by two different souls combine in one magnificent feeling. Both Jake and James made me feel a different way and they now shared my heart and mind.

I ignored the meaning of love after my father left us back then. Love to me meant nothing but just an empty word with no meaning. When Zane left me I felt completely lost. Even though what Zane and I had wasn't real love. He was the only one there for me and who truly understood me. That was until I met Jake and soon my whole perspective of "Love" changed. It all happened because of him. He showed me how to feel again. He revived me just when I felt dead inside. Jake was wonderful to me in my darkest days he was my candle..a hope of light.

I was afraid to love and be left again after what took place with my Father. It was a risk I took with Jake and I didn't regret any of it. He stayed through all the pain and tears with me. Without any words just a simple hug from him. I knew everything was going to be okay as long as he was by my side and I was by his. Nothing else mattered. Nothing could hurt me.

That was until I met James he opened up my eyes to a different type of world...a dangerous one. It felt like reality not a fairytale. If it wasn't for him I would've always thought love was pure and decent exactly what I felt when I was with Jake. I wouldn't have experienced the meaning of hot, intense, consuming desire. James was definitely the one to blame for bringing out a naughty, seductive, sexy side of me that I didn't know existed.

The more I tried to stay away from James the more my body wanted him and my thoughts wondered about him. He was a drug and I was getting addicted. It was hard to stop or control myself when I was around him. His touch ignited my body into a burning flame of desire enough that I'd lose all my senses. I weakened with just a simple stare of his piercing blue eyes. The way his soft lips touched mine in a hot sexy way. Feeling his breath on my neck every time he got close to me only provoked me to feel desperate for more. He was definitely dangerous..but it was too late..I couldn't keep away.
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*Early Morning*