LOVING TWO

Chapter Thirty-One: Letting Go

I heard the loud noise of cars driving by the house from my bedroom window. People laughing and having conversations down the sidewalks. A couple of birdies here and there that would fly by my window chirping in melody. Beautiful rays of sunlight illuminating my room. If only I felt as good and nice as it looked outside. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. I felt the complete opposite. It was as if a cold storm brew wildly inside me. Suffocating me both emotionally and mentally. I was barely able to get any sleep throughout the night. When I finally did I regretted right after. Waking up while panting in sweat from nightmares I had of both James and Jake. In one dream it's James who is breaking my heart by refusing to forgive me. Then the next dream it's them both fighting against each other till death. Both nightmares cause me to wake up feeling as if someone punched me in the gut. My heart races in speed and I can't control my breathing. James would definitely make me feel better but I couldn't go to him. Not now nor ever.

I suddenly heard small tappings on my window. I unwillingly got up from my bed to see who it was after several attempts to grab my attention began to get annoying. Standing in my lawn I saw both Amy and Ashanti dressed in black and with a bottle of Vodka in their hand. I shook my head and gave them a half smile.

Jazmin- What are you girls doing with that bottle?

Ashanti- We heard what's going on and we are here to personally shove this grief you got going on six feet under!

Jazmin- Ha...That would explain the black dresses...

Amy- It was her idea Jaz!...I swear we'll understand if you don't want to go out and drink..We can just hangout..

Ashanti- Umm no!?...You ARE GOING to come and drink!!..Before you say anything else.. I don't care if we are minors Amy!..

Amy- I actually agree with Ash this ONE TIME....You need distraction Jaz and we are here to do it together! We are not leaving you alone..But I still disagree with drinking..It could only make things worse for you..

Ashanti- Amy shut it..

Jazmin- I really appreciate what you girls are doing but-

Ashanti- I don't think you heard us....We are not asking Jazmin...So get yourself dolled up! Because I have a driver waiting for us outside and ready to take us to a Bar!!!! Whoop Whoop!! I got the hook up!

Amy- Shhh!! There are neighbors here..

Ashanti- Soooo What!!? They can join too if they want! Wooohooo!

Amy- Jaz please don't take long...I don't know how much more of her I can handle..

Ashanti- Jaz you got 10 minutes before we take your ass in pjs and all icky looking to the Bar!! With a few bottles you'll be looking like a Jlo to somebody!

Amy- Ash!!..Ugh don't take long Jazmin I'm BEGGING!

Jazmin- Haha fine...Give me 15!

I closed my window and walked straight to my closet. Without second guessing if I should go out or not, I picked out a sexy revealing outfit. I didn't want to think about James and what he might think if he were to see me. All I wanted was to let go and drink my sorrow away at least for one day. I put on a mini skintight white dress and a pair of high knee silver boots with heel. I applied my make up extra light just incase I get too wasted. I didn't want to risk looking like a clown after too many drinks. My hair naturally flowed down my back in large curls. I applied a bit of hair spray to make sure the look lasts throughout the night. I might've taken a little more than 15 minutes but I had achieved a look to impress. Not sure if that's exactly what I wanted, extra attention from others. Guys that weren't James at the end of the day. I shook the negative feelings away before stepping outside. All I wanted was to forget myself and everything that was going on for just a little bit. Enough to where it didn't hurt so much anymore.